Currently Listening to: Jesus Paid It All::Passion
Tonight is my final night at Know Sweat. It's Wednesday which means its my favorite night. Afterwards our staff is going out for our weekly hangout for ice cream. This week I am voting for non-ice cream--a trip to Starbucks. I may even break away from the new status quo of Cafe Con Leche and go straight for the Frappucino.
Tomorrow morning I fly back to Springfield, travel back to Joplin, do a bunch of things, repack and fly out of Springfield the following morning. It will soon be Diego rock time.
I guess I have mixed emotions about tonight. It's been fun and I feel lame for bailing midway on a week. I'm excited for the unknown of Mexico as those experiences challenge me and I always love them (sometimes I admit it takes an after the fact reevaluation).
I realized I haven't posted much about the past few weeks of projects or anything. I am not quite sure why that is. It's not as though there aren't great things happening. I hope it's not a numb thing--I think its just a processing thing. I realized I should have been posting some pictures of stuff, that is my plan for next year. I think that will be a good idea.
Okay, so this post went nowhere. I had a plan when I sat down and I wimped out so you get a waste of time that even I acknowledge as such. I need to pack and head to a leader meeting. Then its worship where I am quite curious to see where things go.
Now Listening to: Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
One final request-wish me luck on the flight. When I packed I didn't really think about the whole having to get it on a plane thing. i think each of my bags is over 50 lbs. Not sure what's in there but its heavy. Oh, but I did get new sandals when I'm not wearing the chaco's. The flip style of crocs. They are as comfortable as Rector said they were. Hooray for comfort. Now its dinner time.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
What Exactly Did I Do Today?
Currently Listening To: Snow Patrol--Chasing Cars
I'm living with priests this week.
We're on a catholic campus and the housing got screwed up but I'm living with some priests--I think they are in another part of the building but it is old school over here. So old school they have internet. But seriously, my lamp has a plug that probably is older than at least me.
I spent 5 hours at the hospital today. Not because of anything bad. One of our interns dislocated her knee when we were in St. Louis and today we were trying to get her a new brace and crutches so she can make it through the last week. We were successful.
I also had a first time experience. I had to walk through a metal detector on my way into the Emergency room. When we first got in there were almost as many cops as people waiting. I think that's usually bad.
On the good side we only had to wait a little over 3 hours before we got called in. Then it was only almost 2 hours before the doctor came in. Other than that it was stellar. Stellar I say.
So this is the final week of the summer for this crew. They have done very well. I haven't said much about them but I personally couldn't ask for anything better from them. They have been very, very good people. I admire them because they're in a place I never was. I don't regret any of my life but man, its cool to see them at this point so young. I'm hoping at least one of them comes back again next summer. That would rock my face off.
So I guess that's it. I had some spiritual thoughts but I'm tired and I'll end up screwing them up which in and of itself isn't anything new, I'm just not in the mood to do it tonight.
One final note, I'm reading an amazing book borrowed from my bud bford--Flyboys. it's about WWII which is my favorite historical time period. It's a can't put down kind of thing. I highly recommmend it. So much so I put 3 m's in that word and am too lazy to go back and delete on. Dixie Chicks just came on my ipod so I need to go beat my head against the door in punishment and then I'm going to go find a priest and talk Da Vinci Code. Peace.
I'm living with priests this week.
We're on a catholic campus and the housing got screwed up but I'm living with some priests--I think they are in another part of the building but it is old school over here. So old school they have internet. But seriously, my lamp has a plug that probably is older than at least me.
I spent 5 hours at the hospital today. Not because of anything bad. One of our interns dislocated her knee when we were in St. Louis and today we were trying to get her a new brace and crutches so she can make it through the last week. We were successful.
I also had a first time experience. I had to walk through a metal detector on my way into the Emergency room. When we first got in there were almost as many cops as people waiting. I think that's usually bad.
On the good side we only had to wait a little over 3 hours before we got called in. Then it was only almost 2 hours before the doctor came in. Other than that it was stellar. Stellar I say.
So this is the final week of the summer for this crew. They have done very well. I haven't said much about them but I personally couldn't ask for anything better from them. They have been very, very good people. I admire them because they're in a place I never was. I don't regret any of my life but man, its cool to see them at this point so young. I'm hoping at least one of them comes back again next summer. That would rock my face off.
So I guess that's it. I had some spiritual thoughts but I'm tired and I'll end up screwing them up which in and of itself isn't anything new, I'm just not in the mood to do it tonight.
One final note, I'm reading an amazing book borrowed from my bud bford--Flyboys. it's about WWII which is my favorite historical time period. It's a can't put down kind of thing. I highly recommmend it. So much so I put 3 m's in that word and am too lazy to go back and delete on. Dixie Chicks just came on my ipod so I need to go beat my head against the door in punishment and then I'm going to go find a priest and talk Da Vinci Code. Peace.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Being Bald Is To My Advantage
It's Sunday.
This might be my favorite day of the summer (not including any when I was with my family).
It started with church. Since we're in Memphis we went and worshipped with a church we've been working with for the past few years. I've talked about them before and I don't remember what I've said but it was my first time to be there on Sunday morning. Their pastor-Pastor Jim-is a great man. So cool, so sharp and the church just gives me chills. Inner city, doing everything it can to reflect the city in which it has been placed and in my opinion, being blessed by God because it didn't run to the suburbs. It is the kind of church I'd want to work at if I ever went back to that kind of thing.
It took me a minute to figure out why I liked it so well and then I realized it was the smell. Let me explain...
On our way in from the parking lot I again realized that this was a different place. Since they are trying to reach the city and since they have/do preach a message of come as you are there was a group of guys out front getting their last smoke before heading in for worship. One of them I remembered from spring break. His name is Danny and he guarded the door for us. He's rough looking. Looks like a hell's angel dude but like so many of them has a soft heart. His story includes some major back pain and so he can't work like he could but wants to be a part of the Community and so he helps out any way he can. During greeting time, I went and re introduced myself to him and it was after that as we were singing some Waterdeep I realized my hand reaked, of cigarette. And it was beautiful. The place looks like a cross section of Memphis. Inter racial, suburban, urban, tattoo, a little old lady playing a hymn on the piano for offering, a dude in a suit, a dude that looks like a skinny Jerry Garcia, men hugging its beautiful. To me, it looked a little like heaven only here. Its just cool. I am sure they have their issues, the church isn't perfect becuase none of us is but its just refreshing to see.
After that was brunch as a restaurant called the Blue Monkey. I did a greek omelete which was a delight.
We did some preparation work in the afternoon and then headed to, in my opinion, the finest restaurant in Memphis. Celtic Crossing. It's an irish place with a.m.a.z.i.n.g food. I did the fish and chips but since I don't do fries anymore I did spuds and the salad with their house vinagrette loaded with feta. Did I mention the food is amazing? It is.
After that we headed to Starbucks for, yes, my new favorite Coffee con Leche with sugar in the raw. I've converted a couple more to the CCL faith. It's good stuff and worth the $2.35 for a grande. It was cold in Starbucks and nice outside so we sat in the bed of the truck and talked about this coming week. In the midst of that 2 different guys came up looking for change. Those moments are sacred to me for some reason. One story was solid, one was not but we gave some money to both. I like those moments like when I gave money to the guy in St. Louis on the 4th. I think those moments have God written all over them and I was proud of our crew for how they responded and the second one--his name was Star--had a funny assesment of everybody in our group. Some were right on, mine was not. I can't really post it here because it had a racially insensitive assesment in it but it was good for a laugh nonetheless.
So that is my Sunday. On Thursday I'll be back in Joplin for less that 24 hours to see my family. It will be good. Until then, I'll think about this day here. Hope your weekend was good.
Oh, and you should listen to Open My Eyes by Jeff Anderson. It is very good.
This might be my favorite day of the summer (not including any when I was with my family).
It started with church. Since we're in Memphis we went and worshipped with a church we've been working with for the past few years. I've talked about them before and I don't remember what I've said but it was my first time to be there on Sunday morning. Their pastor-Pastor Jim-is a great man. So cool, so sharp and the church just gives me chills. Inner city, doing everything it can to reflect the city in which it has been placed and in my opinion, being blessed by God because it didn't run to the suburbs. It is the kind of church I'd want to work at if I ever went back to that kind of thing.
It took me a minute to figure out why I liked it so well and then I realized it was the smell. Let me explain...
On our way in from the parking lot I again realized that this was a different place. Since they are trying to reach the city and since they have/do preach a message of come as you are there was a group of guys out front getting their last smoke before heading in for worship. One of them I remembered from spring break. His name is Danny and he guarded the door for us. He's rough looking. Looks like a hell's angel dude but like so many of them has a soft heart. His story includes some major back pain and so he can't work like he could but wants to be a part of the Community and so he helps out any way he can. During greeting time, I went and re introduced myself to him and it was after that as we were singing some Waterdeep I realized my hand reaked, of cigarette. And it was beautiful. The place looks like a cross section of Memphis. Inter racial, suburban, urban, tattoo, a little old lady playing a hymn on the piano for offering, a dude in a suit, a dude that looks like a skinny Jerry Garcia, men hugging its beautiful. To me, it looked a little like heaven only here. Its just cool. I am sure they have their issues, the church isn't perfect becuase none of us is but its just refreshing to see.
After that was brunch as a restaurant called the Blue Monkey. I did a greek omelete which was a delight.
We did some preparation work in the afternoon and then headed to, in my opinion, the finest restaurant in Memphis. Celtic Crossing. It's an irish place with a.m.a.z.i.n.g food. I did the fish and chips but since I don't do fries anymore I did spuds and the salad with their house vinagrette loaded with feta. Did I mention the food is amazing? It is.
After that we headed to Starbucks for, yes, my new favorite Coffee con Leche with sugar in the raw. I've converted a couple more to the CCL faith. It's good stuff and worth the $2.35 for a grande. It was cold in Starbucks and nice outside so we sat in the bed of the truck and talked about this coming week. In the midst of that 2 different guys came up looking for change. Those moments are sacred to me for some reason. One story was solid, one was not but we gave some money to both. I like those moments like when I gave money to the guy in St. Louis on the 4th. I think those moments have God written all over them and I was proud of our crew for how they responded and the second one--his name was Star--had a funny assesment of everybody in our group. Some were right on, mine was not. I can't really post it here because it had a racially insensitive assesment in it but it was good for a laugh nonetheless.
So that is my Sunday. On Thursday I'll be back in Joplin for less that 24 hours to see my family. It will be good. Until then, I'll think about this day here. Hope your weekend was good.
Oh, and you should listen to Open My Eyes by Jeff Anderson. It is very good.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Hooray
It's a Saturday night in Memphis.
I'm currently listening to: Snow Patrol
Yesterday we drove across the entire state of Tennessee. It takes forever. You should look at it on a map, its actually depressing you can drive that long and never leave the same state.
My observation: Almost half the cars broken down on the side of the road in Tennessee are Dodge Neons.
We had a good work day, saw some cool stuff, had a good talk with the interns and enjoyed Interstate BBQ-voted the #2 BBQ in the nation by People magazine. It was amazing. I've had it before but its always good--even better because they have amazing sweet tea.
Tonight we chilled at the mall-I bought a new wallet-then we got money orders at WalMart and finally topped the evening off with a trip to Starbucks where I beat one of the interns in checkers and enjoyed a conversation with my boy and Ang who went and saw Cars today.
The assessment from Carter about Cars: "It's really, really funny."
I also enjoyed my new favorite Starbucks drink: Iced Coffee Con Leche (with 3 sugars in the raw). It is really amazing and I think I may be the only person ordering it since the barista always stands frozen and confused for a moment.
I guess that's about it. About the only bad thing of the day was when we were leaving lunch and I watched a dad take his kid out of Interstate and proceed to beat the sin out of him with a belt. It was honestly one of those moments where you get angry and then sick to your stomach. I was grateful to go look at some projects and get our thoughts on something else. On a good note we are going to have some great projects this week. It's my final week stateside for the summer and I'll be flying back to Joplin on Thursday to change gears and head to San Diego on Friday.
On the agenda: In N Out
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Do You Ever Wonder If Anyone Reads Your Blog?
Another good day of work. It is pretty hot here but honestly doesn't feel that bad and no I wasn't riding around in an air conditioned truck all day today--I had the windows down.
I do think I'm beginning to go through a mid life crisis or something though. I've been extremely bothered lately that my arms are incredibly hairy. I also have added more to my list of things I won't touch this year (no pop for a year). I will now finish the year with no chips and no fries.
On another side note I am again consumed with my weight.
I think I have a brain blockage or something. I can't speak right half the time, I'm beginning to forget things and right now I'm sitting here trying to figure out if I sent an email last night or not. I know, your email tells you these things but mine doesn't when I'm on the road.
I have poision oak. for the second time this summer. Only 2 spots and they are small so let's hope it doesn't spread.
I saw the coolest shirt today. A girl was wearing it at breakfast and I immediately wanted one. It was red and in bold letters simply said TREEHUGGER There was a website but the shirt is not currently for sale. My day was ruined.
On a side note I tried sweet tea at Pal's today-a place Ang loved when she was here. It was delicious. To be honest I actually got the peach tea becuase I heard the normal tasted like urine. Sweet urine is actually how it was described to me.I also drank a Starbucks double shot today. The peach tea is actually called Peachie Tea but I refused to compromise my manhood and call it that. I simply called it peach tea and the lady said "you mean peachie tea" and I responded with a Christlike "whatever". It was 32 oz of bliss that cost me 78 cents. It tasted a lot like peachie O's which is my favorite gummy candy so it was a win.
I guess that's all for today. Enjoy your wednesday which, don't forget dear faithful reader, is my favorite day of the Renovate theme.
One final side note, I was told that bojangles chicken is better that popeyes. I have only had popeyes but had to disagree. Hooray for greaazy jicken and bizcuts. Peace and I am out.
I do think I'm beginning to go through a mid life crisis or something though. I've been extremely bothered lately that my arms are incredibly hairy. I also have added more to my list of things I won't touch this year (no pop for a year). I will now finish the year with no chips and no fries.
On another side note I am again consumed with my weight.
I think I have a brain blockage or something. I can't speak right half the time, I'm beginning to forget things and right now I'm sitting here trying to figure out if I sent an email last night or not. I know, your email tells you these things but mine doesn't when I'm on the road.
I have poision oak. for the second time this summer. Only 2 spots and they are small so let's hope it doesn't spread.
I saw the coolest shirt today. A girl was wearing it at breakfast and I immediately wanted one. It was red and in bold letters simply said TREEHUGGER There was a website but the shirt is not currently for sale. My day was ruined.
On a side note I tried sweet tea at Pal's today-a place Ang loved when she was here. It was delicious. To be honest I actually got the peach tea becuase I heard the normal tasted like urine. Sweet urine is actually how it was described to me.I also drank a Starbucks double shot today. The peach tea is actually called Peachie Tea but I refused to compromise my manhood and call it that. I simply called it peach tea and the lady said "you mean peachie tea" and I responded with a Christlike "whatever". It was 32 oz of bliss that cost me 78 cents. It tasted a lot like peachie O's which is my favorite gummy candy so it was a win.
I guess that's all for today. Enjoy your wednesday which, don't forget dear faithful reader, is my favorite day of the Renovate theme.
One final side note, I was told that bojangles chicken is better that popeyes. I have only had popeyes but had to disagree. Hooray for greaazy jicken and bizcuts. Peace and I am out.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
A Saturday in Tennessee
Okay, I finally have a new look. I figured out I was using a template already in use by at least two others and that bugs me so I've found something I think will be quite fun. Hopefully its easy to read and exciting to look at.
I am currently waiting another 40 minutes for my laundry to finish. It should be amazing. All I hope is that it's all dry when I go down there. I actually had to do 3 loads which is quite a lot, however the machines are rather small. Only 39 minutes for my laundry.
Probably my biggest news is that I have joined the world of the ipod. I cannot express how much fun it is. I've been loading CD's I brought onto it all night and I feel almost capable now. I've wanted one for quite some time since I'm on the road so much and dig music so much. My biggest debate was whether to go with a black one or a white one. I went with white. The clincher was the interns convincing me white was more classic and said ipod more authoritatively or something like that. Anyway, its a 30GB and its quite nice. I currently have 692 songs loaded on it, enough to occupy me without repeating songs for 2.2 days. Or so it tells me. I have used 2.99GB but I have a ton of CD's back at the house that I'll never again need to carry. That's pretty exciting. I do have to admit its depressing all the extras you need to buy like a cover, radio adapter, wall charger but I'll make it through the summer without the last 2 thanks to the interns. I have yet to download any video yet either but I'm sure I'll get to it.
So that's my day. We went to a gay water park but at least it was with good people. I saw more obese Tennessee folks than anyone should have to. I also realized that though many of them cannot afford reliable cars there is no shortage of tattoos. I actually felt lame having only one.
Well, tomorrow its church in Virginia with our buddy Tom. I'm looking forward to it.
Oh, by the way, we're keeping a list of all the restaurants we eat in this summer. So far the list is both impressive and scary. At the end of the summer I'll post and maybe give some reviews. You know, in case you ever travel through Norfolk, NE; Joplin, MO; St. Louis, MO; Johnson City, TN; Memphis, TN and San Diego, CA.
I am currently waiting another 40 minutes for my laundry to finish. It should be amazing. All I hope is that it's all dry when I go down there. I actually had to do 3 loads which is quite a lot, however the machines are rather small. Only 39 minutes for my laundry.
Probably my biggest news is that I have joined the world of the ipod. I cannot express how much fun it is. I've been loading CD's I brought onto it all night and I feel almost capable now. I've wanted one for quite some time since I'm on the road so much and dig music so much. My biggest debate was whether to go with a black one or a white one. I went with white. The clincher was the interns convincing me white was more classic and said ipod more authoritatively or something like that. Anyway, its a 30GB and its quite nice. I currently have 692 songs loaded on it, enough to occupy me without repeating songs for 2.2 days. Or so it tells me. I have used 2.99GB but I have a ton of CD's back at the house that I'll never again need to carry. That's pretty exciting. I do have to admit its depressing all the extras you need to buy like a cover, radio adapter, wall charger but I'll make it through the summer without the last 2 thanks to the interns. I have yet to download any video yet either but I'm sure I'll get to it.
So that's my day. We went to a gay water park but at least it was with good people. I saw more obese Tennessee folks than anyone should have to. I also realized that though many of them cannot afford reliable cars there is no shortage of tattoos. I actually felt lame having only one.
Well, tomorrow its church in Virginia with our buddy Tom. I'm looking forward to it.
Oh, by the way, we're keeping a list of all the restaurants we eat in this summer. So far the list is both impressive and scary. At the end of the summer I'll post and maybe give some reviews. You know, in case you ever travel through Norfolk, NE; Joplin, MO; St. Louis, MO; Johnson City, TN; Memphis, TN and San Diego, CA.
Friday, July 14, 2006
It's Friday And I'm Not On The Road
I forgot what it felt like to stay in a city for more than 7 days. It's actually quite nice.
This summer has been quite a journey for me in a number of ways. One of the things I've enjoyed most has been watching our theme unfold each week, how each guy has shared what God has placed on his heart about the topic--all from the same text--and how different passages, different angles have been seen and at times I've laughed to myself that if you could make a greatest hits of all the sermons or parts of them it would be amazing. However, I wouldn't trade a word any of them have used and it's been amazing to watch God do His thing.
I do confess that I look forward to Wednesday night more than any other. For me its the defining moment of the week. We walk through some topics they're familiar with--the wise and foolish builder and fruit (how a Christian is called to bear fruit). On Wednesday we throw the curve ball of Pure Intentions. In a nutshell its the passage from Matthew 6 that says things like this:
"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven." It goes on to challenge things like prayer, giving, fasting--in my mind things we do to show God we're serious but things that we're always tempted to let others know about as well. I always go back to the moment in Celebration of Discipline where Foster says "The flesh whines against service but screams against hidden service."
So on Wednesday I've sat towards the back and smiled as our guys have wrestled with how to communicate this huge truth to middle school students. I confess I've learned a lot from each of them, I've been challenged by their insight and I've left confused. It's one of those topics that you can't sum up nicely at the end. You cannot put a bow on top and call it good and everybody leave feeling warm and fuzzy, you just can't. Because we wrestle with how to do good things with the right heart, how to accept praise we do recieve and when we should let people know what we've done or if it is even Christian to do so.
I think back to the rare moments, I think there is one or two, where people have appreciated the time I've wasted in a pulpit. Or when I've done something good for God and people compliment me and I'm stuck in that moment where I wrestle with what to say. Do I say thanks and them think I'm arrogant? Do I sluff it off and then they think I'm a prick? Do you sound like a holy roller and say something about "oh it's just what God does" and even when you sincerely mean it people can't tell?
So this wednesday I looked forward to another strong challenge, maybe another step on the journey and I got more than I bargained for.
We had a good guy named Nathan Head speaking for us. I like Nathan. He's a good man, good thinker, very funny and he and his wife moved just as Ang and I arrived in Joplin, it was rather disappointing to me actually. Anyway I digress. Nathan hit a home run with his message but I honestly didn't connect what he's said till he finished up last night. Here's a brief synopsis of what he said and I hope it makes sense.
When we do our good deeds, when we live as a Christian should live there's an emotion that we ought to feel. Joy. His phrase was simply this:
When you do the right thing, God gets the glory and you get the joy.
I like that.
Alot.
At least for me it connects with who I want to be. Like when we are called to do or be something we ought to do it out of the pure joy of what we're doing. Joy to me doesn't come with any selfish tags. It's not arrogance, its not glory, its not obligation, its not guilt. It's joy. Like I feel most alive when I am living that way. For me know its the feeling of knowing that every single day I wake up and don't have a single other thing on earth I'd rather do than this. Like I feel like I was born to do this and when I hear people talk about where they are and what they do I feel bad for them because I'd be miserable doing that. Last night Nate threw down a huge challenge which I'll leave out but at the end it was a question of what God was calling them to do and I in my seat towards the back the message to me was: I want to do this for the rest of my life. Till there is no air in my lungs and I'm off for eternity I want to do this. It will not get old, it will not be mundane it will not be a job. It will be my joy. He can have the glory, His name can be in lights, I can be a nobody and a shmuk and a screw up and He can use me and all I'll feel is joy.
And then I got to thinking about eternity. The text in Matthew goes on and on, over and over about the word reward. Reward has baggage for me, its something I get. Like we do good things for the reward we'll recieve. I've heard people describe it as a jewel on our crown or another room on our mansion in heaven or whatever. I don't understand Revelation and my simple mind can't fathom heaven but I was driving around the other day and thought what if my reward was being able to place said crown full of good works at the feet of God. Like my reward isn't something I get which is how I always feel but its something I give and that's the coolest thing. And then it would be his glory and my joy. I don't want more rooms on my mansion, it would just be more to clean. I don't want to wear a crown with a lot on it because then I'd be tempted to look around and compare with others but if I got there and immediately walked into his presence (since when is THAT not a reward) and lay it all at His feet than I don't really care what else happens. I think it would be hard to not be filled with joy when God finally got His due respect. I mean I don't really think we'll get a triumphal entry into heaven and everybody will know the great stuff we did. Maybe I'm wrong here but from what I see heaven isn't really about me. Of course earth isn't either. But the only child in me likes to think so.
And so I've decided to just feel joy and see how that works out. I'm sure its an incomplete thought or juvenile or something you figured out a long time ago but for me I struggle with pride and comparison a lot and quite honestly I'm sick and tired of it. Because I never measure up.
And so may we have joy doing what we're doing. May we feel His joy for us as we do it and may we find that thing that God has placed us on earth to do. May no one stand in our way, may we simply feel the warmth of his smile and the joy of a job well done. I think I can live with that.
This summer has been quite a journey for me in a number of ways. One of the things I've enjoyed most has been watching our theme unfold each week, how each guy has shared what God has placed on his heart about the topic--all from the same text--and how different passages, different angles have been seen and at times I've laughed to myself that if you could make a greatest hits of all the sermons or parts of them it would be amazing. However, I wouldn't trade a word any of them have used and it's been amazing to watch God do His thing.
I do confess that I look forward to Wednesday night more than any other. For me its the defining moment of the week. We walk through some topics they're familiar with--the wise and foolish builder and fruit (how a Christian is called to bear fruit). On Wednesday we throw the curve ball of Pure Intentions. In a nutshell its the passage from Matthew 6 that says things like this:
"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven." It goes on to challenge things like prayer, giving, fasting--in my mind things we do to show God we're serious but things that we're always tempted to let others know about as well. I always go back to the moment in Celebration of Discipline where Foster says "The flesh whines against service but screams against hidden service."
So on Wednesday I've sat towards the back and smiled as our guys have wrestled with how to communicate this huge truth to middle school students. I confess I've learned a lot from each of them, I've been challenged by their insight and I've left confused. It's one of those topics that you can't sum up nicely at the end. You cannot put a bow on top and call it good and everybody leave feeling warm and fuzzy, you just can't. Because we wrestle with how to do good things with the right heart, how to accept praise we do recieve and when we should let people know what we've done or if it is even Christian to do so.
I think back to the rare moments, I think there is one or two, where people have appreciated the time I've wasted in a pulpit. Or when I've done something good for God and people compliment me and I'm stuck in that moment where I wrestle with what to say. Do I say thanks and them think I'm arrogant? Do I sluff it off and then they think I'm a prick? Do you sound like a holy roller and say something about "oh it's just what God does" and even when you sincerely mean it people can't tell?
So this wednesday I looked forward to another strong challenge, maybe another step on the journey and I got more than I bargained for.
We had a good guy named Nathan Head speaking for us. I like Nathan. He's a good man, good thinker, very funny and he and his wife moved just as Ang and I arrived in Joplin, it was rather disappointing to me actually. Anyway I digress. Nathan hit a home run with his message but I honestly didn't connect what he's said till he finished up last night. Here's a brief synopsis of what he said and I hope it makes sense.
When we do our good deeds, when we live as a Christian should live there's an emotion that we ought to feel. Joy. His phrase was simply this:
When you do the right thing, God gets the glory and you get the joy.
I like that.
Alot.
At least for me it connects with who I want to be. Like when we are called to do or be something we ought to do it out of the pure joy of what we're doing. Joy to me doesn't come with any selfish tags. It's not arrogance, its not glory, its not obligation, its not guilt. It's joy. Like I feel most alive when I am living that way. For me know its the feeling of knowing that every single day I wake up and don't have a single other thing on earth I'd rather do than this. Like I feel like I was born to do this and when I hear people talk about where they are and what they do I feel bad for them because I'd be miserable doing that. Last night Nate threw down a huge challenge which I'll leave out but at the end it was a question of what God was calling them to do and I in my seat towards the back the message to me was: I want to do this for the rest of my life. Till there is no air in my lungs and I'm off for eternity I want to do this. It will not get old, it will not be mundane it will not be a job. It will be my joy. He can have the glory, His name can be in lights, I can be a nobody and a shmuk and a screw up and He can use me and all I'll feel is joy.
And then I got to thinking about eternity. The text in Matthew goes on and on, over and over about the word reward. Reward has baggage for me, its something I get. Like we do good things for the reward we'll recieve. I've heard people describe it as a jewel on our crown or another room on our mansion in heaven or whatever. I don't understand Revelation and my simple mind can't fathom heaven but I was driving around the other day and thought what if my reward was being able to place said crown full of good works at the feet of God. Like my reward isn't something I get which is how I always feel but its something I give and that's the coolest thing. And then it would be his glory and my joy. I don't want more rooms on my mansion, it would just be more to clean. I don't want to wear a crown with a lot on it because then I'd be tempted to look around and compare with others but if I got there and immediately walked into his presence (since when is THAT not a reward) and lay it all at His feet than I don't really care what else happens. I think it would be hard to not be filled with joy when God finally got His due respect. I mean I don't really think we'll get a triumphal entry into heaven and everybody will know the great stuff we did. Maybe I'm wrong here but from what I see heaven isn't really about me. Of course earth isn't either. But the only child in me likes to think so.
And so I've decided to just feel joy and see how that works out. I'm sure its an incomplete thought or juvenile or something you figured out a long time ago but for me I struggle with pride and comparison a lot and quite honestly I'm sick and tired of it. Because I never measure up.
And so may we have joy doing what we're doing. May we feel His joy for us as we do it and may we find that thing that God has placed us on earth to do. May no one stand in our way, may we simply feel the warmth of his smile and the joy of a job well done. I think I can live with that.
Renovate
A great week is in the books. We had our entire staff for the summer here--all 11 of us. If this week couldn't go smooth we shouldn't have our jobs! We had incredible preaching, great worship and a spirit amongst us that I couldn't shake. The groups were good and the work they did was awesome. There were conversations I'll not soon forget and I had the chance to talk youth ministry stuff with a guy I have a ton of respect for and it feels like I filled in some of the cracks in my own mind. Last night I played basketball with Patrick, Seth and Keith and today my knee feels like its full of broken glass but I wouldn't trade the fun.
Sunday we set up scaffolding at a childrens home. We were painting the side of a gym anywhere from 40-50+ tall right on the side of a mountain and spent a lot of time reinforcing the scaffolding and then spraying for poision oak because it was everywhere. We bought the best stuff we could and covered the stuff and came back 2 days later and it didn't look like anything had happened. This poison stuff is everywhere up there, it covers the side of the mountain and I'm thinking our one time effort was never going to renovate the countryside. It got me to thinking about my attitude toward sin. The application is a simple one but I was again reminded of how many times I/we let crap grow too long and then thing one strong prayer or one time of Bible study will get rid of it when we've given too much of a foothold to the stuff. There's some stuff like that in my own life and I've been thinking about what its going to take to not just cut it back but really remove it.
Well, I'm off to set up for next week and then we're taking the weekend off. I can't imagine. We might even go to Starbucks this weekend.
Sunday we set up scaffolding at a childrens home. We were painting the side of a gym anywhere from 40-50+ tall right on the side of a mountain and spent a lot of time reinforcing the scaffolding and then spraying for poision oak because it was everywhere. We bought the best stuff we could and covered the stuff and came back 2 days later and it didn't look like anything had happened. This poison stuff is everywhere up there, it covers the side of the mountain and I'm thinking our one time effort was never going to renovate the countryside. It got me to thinking about my attitude toward sin. The application is a simple one but I was again reminded of how many times I/we let crap grow too long and then thing one strong prayer or one time of Bible study will get rid of it when we've given too much of a foothold to the stuff. There's some stuff like that in my own life and I've been thinking about what its going to take to not just cut it back but really remove it.
Well, I'm off to set up for next week and then we're taking the weekend off. I can't imagine. We might even go to Starbucks this weekend.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
A new look?
Obviously Tennessee was unhappy with my comments and somehow dominated my blog into an organizational mess. Therefore I've had to find a new template and will have to redo everything. Sorry for the confusion but I promise to work on it soon. Plus I've been thinking about some things lately that I want to share. Happy Evening.
A Tennessee Moment
I was at Wal Mart yesterday picking up some supplies and I saw something for the first time. Parked towards the front of the parking lot was one of those Econoline vans--you know the 8 passenger travel in style vans that were kind of pre minivan era? This one was well past its prime but has been repainted (maybe by hand) blue. However that's not the thing that caught my attention, it was the fact that it had air conditioning....from a window unit. The dude had cut out the back window and put in a window A/C unit and then put plywood around the gaps. Nice.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Yeah Baby
You should really check out Ang's blog. No, not the one about our checkbook, the one before that. Yeah, it's way cool.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Work Mode
I've never been a great multi tasker. I used to fancy myself one but I'm beginning to realize as I get older that it's not a gift of mine. I struggle to drive and listen to the radio simultaneously let alone juggle anything of consequence at the same time.
I've noticed this summer that I'm pretty intense. Yeah, I guess there are times I'm crabby. I don't like to think so but I realize that I have a hard time being me and disconnecting from events long enough to really enjoy some of the time I have. There have been moments for good conversations but there are also so many moments already that I look back on and wish I had back.
Moments with family, moments with friends, moments with interns. Just moments, moments I wish I could soak up more and not attempt to prepare for something next. I had a great talk with a youth ministry buddy last week and we lamented the fact that there aren't enough people doing youth ministry who are truly relational, who care more about people and pulling something off. I walked away from the conversation smug that I was one of those relational guys and yet the more I think about it the more I realize I've not been that guy.
I've blamed it on things like being tired or old or needing sleep because of the day ahead and yet there are moments that I think I run through or to things and miss what's in front of me. I've noticed the longer the summer goes along that there are less moments I see something happening and more moments I'm trying to figure out what will happen next. That's unfortunate.
On one hand I love planning ahead and there are a lot of details for NEXT summer already prepared. That's important for what we do I know but for so long I've talked about this summer and what will happen and now we're at the midway point and it's gone so quickly I've already got a regret or two.
So here's to soaking up the minute. Here's to not blowing opportunities from now on. And here's to my wonderful family who loves me and lives through those moments. I love them and miss them and am beyond grateful for them. And here's to getting everything out of tomorrow.
I've noticed this summer that I'm pretty intense. Yeah, I guess there are times I'm crabby. I don't like to think so but I realize that I have a hard time being me and disconnecting from events long enough to really enjoy some of the time I have. There have been moments for good conversations but there are also so many moments already that I look back on and wish I had back.
Moments with family, moments with friends, moments with interns. Just moments, moments I wish I could soak up more and not attempt to prepare for something next. I had a great talk with a youth ministry buddy last week and we lamented the fact that there aren't enough people doing youth ministry who are truly relational, who care more about people and pulling something off. I walked away from the conversation smug that I was one of those relational guys and yet the more I think about it the more I realize I've not been that guy.
I've blamed it on things like being tired or old or needing sleep because of the day ahead and yet there are moments that I think I run through or to things and miss what's in front of me. I've noticed the longer the summer goes along that there are less moments I see something happening and more moments I'm trying to figure out what will happen next. That's unfortunate.
On one hand I love planning ahead and there are a lot of details for NEXT summer already prepared. That's important for what we do I know but for so long I've talked about this summer and what will happen and now we're at the midway point and it's gone so quickly I've already got a regret or two.
So here's to soaking up the minute. Here's to not blowing opportunities from now on. And here's to my wonderful family who loves me and lives through those moments. I love them and miss them and am beyond grateful for them. And here's to getting everything out of tomorrow.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Dear 7-11
I have a new friend. For years you've been my friend, you've been there for me when I needed you (except here in Missouri). At times I think back to when I was in high school and Knowah and I would come see you for your delicious slurpee's. I think of all the 52 oz delicious trips I'd make in Colorado and how I learned to get the most out of my slurpee. I remember how I'd find such joy from being with you.
But now I have a new friend. It's name is QT. It has more drinks, and better ones. It's prices are better, its people are friendlier, its selection is better and they have delicious taquitos. Spicy ones.
So I promise to be your friend. When you're around and QT is not I'll come visit but more than likely when I have a choice I'll be see QT. It's been fun but I can't deny my feelings. So I guess what I am saying is, let's just be friends.
But now I have a new friend. It's name is QT. It has more drinks, and better ones. It's prices are better, its people are friendlier, its selection is better and they have delicious taquitos. Spicy ones.
So I promise to be your friend. When you're around and QT is not I'll come visit but more than likely when I have a choice I'll be see QT. It's been fun but I can't deny my feelings. So I guess what I am saying is, let's just be friends.
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