Shhhhh

Currently Listening to: Silence

"The discipline of prayer is the intentional, concentrated, and regular effort to create space for God." -Henri Nouwen

I've been getting my tail kicked lately on the disciplines of prayer and solitude. As an introvert, I really don't mind solitude, its just that I seem to be too busy for it and there are usually too many people around. I think everybody at the office has been in on my need for solitude though, since everybody has been on the road, there have been a total of 3 of us at the office every day this week.

But this week I have been reminded of why every moment cannot be a go moment. Without some stillness, we can get so caught up in our activity that we begin to hear only our own thoughts.

I drove to work one day this week with no radio (which is almost torture for me). I found myself anxious to get to work and almost frustrated by the silence. It made me realize how addicted I am to noise, even good noise. I was talking with one of my profs about this and we came to the agreement that sometimes even good noise can drown out the best voice we can listen to.

So how about you? When is the last time you heard God's voice? When is the last time you slowed down enough to let your body relax so you could hear the best wisdom there is.

Here's the thing though: slowing down takes longer than my commute home. In the winter when my friend Keith and I head to the monastery, it takes about 12 hours before I finally feel any peace. The first few times we head into a time of prayer, my legs are jumping, I'm squirming like a 3 year old at a wedding and I find every single noise an opportunity for distraction. But if I set aside enough time, I find that suddenly I'm sitting stiller, my heart rate is more consistent and I finally have enough junk out of my head that I have some space to be refilled with great stuff.

So here's to setting aside some time to chill out. Here's to a little "shhhh". Who knows, we might actually hear something profound when we quit listening to ourselves.

"Somewhere we know that without a lonely place, our lives are in danger. Somewhere we know that without silence, words lose their meaning; that without listening, speaking no longer heals; that without distance, closeness cannot cure. Somewhere we know that without a solitary place, our actions quickly become empty gestures. The careful balance between silence and words, withdrawal and involvement, distance and closeness, solitude and community forms the basis of the spiritual life and should therefore be the subject of our most personal attention." -Henri Nouwen

Why I hate opening presents in front of people

About 5 years ago I had the opportunity to spend a week in Baja Mexico building a home for a woman along with a couple of youth groups. The week was a powerful one and I will always remember the final day when the father of the woman who we were building the house for came and made amazing carne asada over an open fire. We ate like kings that day and it was this very cool moment where the woman, her two children and her parents shared a meal with all of us gringos. When the meal was over with, we made a big circle and each student was able to share a few sentences of encouragement and blessing on the lady before the last person handed her the key to the front door of the first home she had ever owned.

You could try, but you'll never erase the memory of the tears on her face. You could think as I get older I'd forget, but as a dad, I remember looking at the face of this woman's father and seeing the peace, the joy and almost this sense of relief you could see as it meant so much to him for his daughter to have a roof over her head, a door she could lock and a room for her children to sleep in complete with a dresser, new sheets, nice new beds and a night light.

I remember seeing the impact this trip had on the students I had served with all week. They had worked hard and to see the fruit of their labor received with just gratefulness left all of us feeling like the week in Mexico was worth all the effort.

I'm guessing if you have been around youth ministry, you've had the same type of experience. They are great. They do some good.

But I'm wrestling with what they are really teaching everybody.

From the perspective of the lady, I can only guess. I know it is a huge blessing but since I've never been back, I don't know what that home meant to her long-term. I only have my idea of what that could do for her.

From the perspective of the kids, I have a slightly better idea. Man, the more I think about this, the more I feel judgmental. I guess its hard to decipher what was meant as a nice gesture and where we crossed the line into thinking they needed the same things we would expect in our house. Not that there is anything wrong with matching sheets, new stuff, coordinated paint and curtains. But I know that 20 students came up with over $450 of their own money and dropped it on furniture, decor and stuff. Some of them drove into town and hit the markets buying left and right in what I would imagine looked a lot like a timed shopping spree.

If I think about it, it was probably as extravagant and over the top as Extreme Makeover. Follow me, it wasn't the same amount of money that Ty and his tools use, but it was done with the same type of excess. Now, I know I'm picking on America's favorite improvement show but when I watch that show, those people deserve kindness no doubt but do they need 14 plasma TVs, a retractable roof over their new Olympic size swimming pool and 4 freezers?

Ok, I'll back off that. How about this. When Ty does his "move that bus" moment, who is that really for? Is it for the people who received or for the show and those that worked?

When we gave that woman the key to her home, who was that moment for?

I wonder what it felt like to be that woman who had very little and to be surrounded by 20 people who had come from America and spent thousands of dollars to build a home and then hand you the key, waiting for a response. I wonder what it felt like seeing that video camera rolling and knowing that whatever footage was captured right there was the pinnacle of the show the kids would show the rest of the church when they got home to justify flying 2500 miles and driving 300 more to serve.

I know how much I hate opening presents on my birthday in front of people. You know that awkward moment where you open it and then regardless of how much you like it, must react in front of everyone? Yeah, can't imagine that moment only instead of a new pair of footie pajamas, its a house.

This post has probably gone on long enough. All I'm saying is, it is time we think about what we are doing and what reaction we are really after. It's time we start finding a way to put our faith into action that actually considers what it feels like to be the other person.

Maybe a small quote from Friendship at the Margins

"If we minister with the hope of being thanked or with the expectation that those who receive our help will be grateful, we will not be in a good position to respond when they are not. Life-giving ministry flows from lives that are full of gratitude to God, not with an expectation of gratitude from others." -Heuertz

What if, Day 5

Currently Listening to: Beautiful Things by Gungor

"When we allow ourselves to be disarmed, we become both vulnerable and strong. The only weapons then at our disposal are those of the Spirit. We choose the way of Jesus, laying aside all the earthly resources that give us power--in order to be present to those we love." Friendship at the Margins

I don't remember who said it but it hits me every time I think about it. They were talking about how we interact with other people and they said that when we give up our power and choose to serve another, we open ourselves up to hurt, injury and the opportunity to be taken advantage of.

I didn't and still don't really like that idea.

I mean, I like what it's saying but getting offended or taken advantage of is not exactly my idea of a good time.

I guess because of this I've chosen more often to do nice things in a way that keep me safer. I'll be happy to serve but only if it has some level of comfort in it. That in itself is why short term service is way more popular than long-term stuff. It's probably another reason why this generation loves missional work that is cause driven rather than people oriented. I'd rather write a check and be done with it than spend hours working with a kiddo in my area that has some of the same needs. I'm not necessarily saying that stuff is bad but I'm guilty of knowing deep down its easier to write a check then give up my time.

When I really think about it though, it means I have to turn my back on Jesus. Or at the very least I have to take a second and tear Philippians 2 out of my Bible. And I'm not comfortable doing that.

So what do I do? What do I do to start modeling and teaching my kids a healthier way. What conversations could I have had with my parents if they'd have let me walk in the homeless shelter when we gave donations instead of leaving me in the car because it was too dangerous? What if I had the opportunity as a kid to realize that baking a few pumpkin pies at Thanksgiving for the Rescue Mission was at its best not much.

So here's to getting hurt. Here's to getting taken advantage of. Here's to being misunderstood by those that call themselves religious and here's to pursuing something that doesn't make sense. It worked out alright for Jesus and I have this nagging sense he's asking me to consider the same.

What if, Day 4

I picked up a new book this week I've been excited to read. It's by a guy who I have a great deal of respect for. I'm finding some pretty incredible ideas and some powerful things I've heard before but said in a fresh way.

I keep thinking about how we say things. I'm also still thinking about what we say through our actions and how those are often louder statements than we realize.

Our Know Sweat team is working through our old tag line of His Heart. Their Needs. Your Service. Originally, I loved it. Now, I'm not so sure. If you've noticed, we've dropped it to Heart.Needs.Service. One of the reasons for this is we no longer feel like communicating their needs and your service is healthy. See, we don't do service projects so that we can help them. That communicates that they can't help us.

And I don't like that.

Try this quote on for size:
"Mission or ministry with people who are poor or vulnerable often assumes that "our" task is to meet "their" needs. Whether their need is for the good news of Christ or for bread and a place to sleep, we tend to think that we have the resources and they have the needs. A focus on friendship rearranges our assumptions. What if the resources they have also meet our needs? What if Jesus is already present in ways that will minister to us? What if in sharing life together as friends we all move closer to Jesus' heart?" Friendship at the Margins

So it's time to redeem our terminology. It's time to stop treating people as projects and stop looking people who seem to have needs as our chance to drop our awesomeness on them. It's time to realize that poverty, real poverty, is actually broken relationships. (Thanks Molesky) And if that's the case, we are all poor. We all need help.

See there is a generation growing up that cares a great deal about the world. That gets me excited. What gets me more excited is doing something to help them/us learn how to honor and serve not in short bursts but all the time. What gets me excited is to see how when we care about one another we can fix a lot of broken relationships. And if we fixed that poverty that could really change the world. In fact, I could give the next years of my life to that.

Actually, I think I will.

What if, Day 3

Currently Listening to: To Be Loved by Thad Cockrell

More reading. More questions.

"There is, however, a second temptation in ministry: the temptation to give up powerlessness through spiritual pioneerism. One of the most conspicuous forms of faithlessness in the ministry is the blatant individualism. of the ministers. Seminaries often seem to be training grounds for individual stardom. But Jesus did not send His disciples out one by one. He ordered them to go out together. The powerlessness of the minister reveals itself when the ministry is perceived and lived out as a shared vocation. Much competition and rivalry within the ministry, as well as much of the loneliness and frustration of ministers, find their basis in this rugged individualism." -Nouwen

This quote stings a bit. I think its true. It is certainly what we reward it seems to me. Sure, we have a responsibility to develop as individuals but this should always play out in the community as well. I'm certain that competition rivalry, loneliness and frustration aren't a part of the ministry I signed up for. Seems like our American ideal runs against the grain of the Gospel on this one. It works great for John Wayne and Indiana Jones but not for us. Agree?