Dad's

Last summer I learned once again the power in certain words.

It was on Wednesday which is traditionally when we address our core value of community. But as we looked at 1 Peter it became apparent that community was kind a tired word and not exactly what the text was saying. So we landed on the word family.

It took me only a week or two to realize that there are certain words in the English language that when you hear them, immediately evoke some sort of response. Family is one of those words.

Dad is another.

In the few milliseconds it took you to move from that sentence to this one, I'm sure your brain fired of a few immediate reactions, most of them completely subjective based on your own father.

This morning I finished reading a pretty incredible book. It's called Fatherless Generation by John Sowers who leads a pretty incredible mentoring ministry in my old hometown. In my opinion, if you work with students you should read this book. I think if you are a parent its a pretty valuable resource as well.

The thing is, though we all know this on some level, dads make a pretty profound impact on their children. This is not to denigrate what mom's do by any means. However the stats play out that kids growing up without dads don't exactly have the world at their fingertips. Fathers are a big deal. I knew this, but I realized once again that its one of the places where I make an assumption often. Whenever I stand on stage at Know Sweat I don't intentionally think about those kids that might not have an active father. I talk about God as father and might even share a story about my kids without a second thought. The fact is, I'm not respecting my audience like I should.

Just think about the stories of people like President Obama, President Bush, Michael Jordan, Tony Dungy or yourself. It doesn't take too long in any of those stories for the impact or legacy of their fathers, good or bad, to come out.

I even think of the great folks I get to work with each day. For those that I know well, I've heard at least a few stories about their dads and the things they either caught or were taught by them.

I think of my street where a chunk of the kids running around my yard playing with my kids come from homes without a dad. Or I think of those that do have a dad who's abusive in some way or in and out. The truth is my street isn't much different than yours.

I think of Carter's basketball practices and the handful of boys each night who show up with grandpa because daddy is not around. Or perhaps the dads who do show up at practice and spend the entire time threatening their kids about their performance.

So what about you? What's your story with your dad? If you are a dad, what do you think your kids think of you? For the past month it seems, Mark Driscoll has been tweeting about dad and Christmas and I'm grateful for his reminders. These quick thoughts have reminded us that Christmas is a special time of year because of the amount of time we have the opportunity to be around each other. That can be good or bad. If we are banking on that one present under the tree being the way we communicate love, we might be missing the point. I'm sure Carter and Brynn will remember something they get for Christmas, then again they might not. But I'm certain we could spend some time together creating a lasting memory worth keeping.

Its not really my place to say much except for the fact that you are reading my blog. So here's to thanking our dads if we still have the chance for the impact they've had. Here's to finding a way to redeem our thoughts if they didn't offer us all that much. Here's to being the best dad's we can this year. And here's to reading a powerful book and then doing something with the information. Thanks John for an insightful and moving book and thanks for what you guys are doing with The Mentoring Project.

Now I'm going to go hang out with my kids.....

For more information I'd recommend:
www.thementoringproject.org
www.allprodad.com

Love Your Neighbor

Currently Listening to: Colored People by DC Talk

I live on a pretty amazing street in Oronogo, Missouri. Go ahead, try and pronounce it. Though the town might have a funny name, its a great place to live.

I'm pretty certain 98% of our community looks and talks exactly the same. Well, maybe not on my street. We've only got about a dozen homes but in that mix is a Filipino family, a Mexican family, two African-American families, a grandparently couple, a single dude who built most of the homes and a couple other families. Oh and then there is that one house that always has 15 cars out front and nobody has ever met anybody that lives there. Its like they are having a perpetual house party but they never make any noise

Last Sunday we had our street Christmas party. Our family wasn't able to stay long but while there a pretty sad conversation happened. It's the type of thing that happens a lot but thanks to my friends at CIY Engage, they have exposed my mind to some better thinking and I'm trying to be more aware in these situations.

It's called CQ. It stands for Cultural Intelligence and if I were to give my own summary, it would be a way of thinking and acting that allows us interact with all people, both here in the States and around the world in a way that is affirming, respectful and honoring. The author says it this way, "Root your view of the other in the imago dei."Now, I don't "get" this yet and I'm not killing it as an ambassador of CQ. I am becoming more aware of things and that's a start but I will confess on the little self test in the book, I didn't do so well. In fact it looked a lot like my grades in Kindergarten. The first time I took kindergarten. But stick with me on this.

What would happen if every person I came in contact with, I chose to treat as a brother or sister, as someone with God's image sewn into their very being? What if we were able to step back just far enough that we didn't expect everyone and every place to think, look and act like us and where we are from?

So back to my story...

I was sitting at the table with a few of my neighbors eating my body weight in the finest of meats and cheeses when the conversation turned to the country of Mexico. Our Mexican neighbors were there, me and two other people. One of them made the comment "I've been to Tijuana and that place is horrible. No offense, but the streets were narrow, it stunk and I felt like I was going to get robbed by every person I walked past."

As a sidebar here, anytime you have to preface a statement with "No offense, but..." you are probably showing little to no CQ. Apologizing beforehand does not excuse being rude. Anyway...

Imagine you are in a foreign country and somebody makes the statement to you, "Hey, I've been to the U.S. before!" Now imagine that the only place they had been would be a place here in the States you are ashamed of. They go on in front of a whole group of people to talk about that place and all the things they hated about it. Not cool. How unfair is it to assume all of the U.S. is like that place and every American is exactly like the people in that city they visited.


The conversation went on to how when this guy was in the Marines they headed down from San Diego for a weekend of fun in Mexico but only stayed for about 3 hours. At that point my Mexican neighbor said, "Yeah, Tijuana is not very pretty. Most people only see border towns and assume our whole country is like that but its not."

I agree. A few years ago I led a trip to Ensenada Mexico and we drove that same route down I-5 from San Diego into Tijuana and then down the Baja coast. I will say this, it was one of the most beautiful drives I've ever made. The Baja coast is amazing. Yes, TJ isn't my idea of metropolitan beauty either but nonetheless, its fascinating and its one small part of a diverse country full of amazing people and some beautiful landscape and culture.

A few days ago my wife was talking with our neighbor. She shared with Ang how hard it is to live here in the States at times. They have been victims to way too many stereotypes and condescending comments. Turns out they don't enjoy all the stereotypes we put on them, they feel uncomfortable with all the comments that are made and she even said they keep their house as clean as possible at all moments, almost obsessively just to try and debunk the myths that American's have about them. They wish they could relax just a bit more and be themselves and not worry so much about what everybody thinks.

Can you imagine that?

So here's to some CQ. Here's to trying to remember that everybody is unique and that's awesome. Here's to remembering that not everybody thinks and acts like we do and that's even better. Here's to seeing the divine in others and trying to do that first. Here's to suspending judgment when we meet people.

I know, its easy and we've been conditioned to do it since we were young. We see a situation and immediately decide tons of stuff about it. That might work on Wall Street but its horrible as a Christian.

And here's to not taking mission and service trips to remind ourselves of how lucky we are. Here's to not taking trips that make the others feel like crap.

At the risk of belaboring the point, Livermore shares a story of a church that wanted to give toys to "underresourced kids". It's a nice thought. They wanted to buy the gifts and then hand them out. The leader of the recipient ministry said, how about I take them and we sell them at a greatly reduced rate so the dads could buy them for their sons. The church said no. Actually they said, "Oh, I don't think we're interested in that. Every year the highlight of this program has been watching the look on our kids' faces as they had that gift to a kid who otherwise wouldn't receive one."

The leader went on to say this, "I really wasn't interested in exploiting the men in our community so the guys at that church could have a nice bonding experience with their kids. All I need is one more message to the kids in our community that says, "Guess what? This six-year old white kid got you a better gift than your schmuck of a father did."

Here's to sharing the joy of Christmas in a way that doesn't humiliate others. Here's to finding creative ways to show kindness with others rather than to them.

I say all this but I will be freaking out during the national championship game.

I happened to see the moment happen. It was at the end of Sunday nights Cowboys vs Eagles game. There at midfield one of the Cowboys players, Tashard Choice asked one of the Eagles players, Michael Vick for an autograph. I remember thinking it was a bit odd but quickly dismissed it.

Today ESPN ran an article letting people know that Choice got the autograph for his 2 year old nephew who idolizes Vick. Turns out all sorts of people are ticked off about. To them, it shows disrespect to the game and is a signal that Choice doesn't care enough about the game. I guess the unwritten NFL rule is you must show you are not happy about losing.

Now please hear me, I've been known to get pretty angry when my favorite teams lose. I'm not saying I've figured this one out by any means.

But why do we have to look like our dog died when we lost a stupid game? There are times when we are genuinely upset or frustrated but in a situation like this one, a professional athlete is swallowing his pride and asking another pro for an autograph in front of people. That takes guts. I hate asking for autographs because its demoralizing. I feel as though I must say "Hello person of great importance, I am a dope who would like you to scribble your name in an unintelligible way so that I can take it to my office and prove to my less than impressed coworkers that I saw you in the airport."

A couple weeks ago a couple of Arizona Cardinals players got in trouble because they were laughing at the end of a tail whipping. Now to be fair, they were having an unusually jovial time considering they had done nothing that should give them joy. However the one player followed that up with one of those classic tantrums that will either become a Coors Light commercial in a few weeks or at least make the Not Top 10 on SportsCenter.

I just think sports lose their beauty when we become cavemen about them.

The other night at Carter's basketball practice I sat and watched the father of one of Carter's teammate say "If you don't take this more serious I'm going to grab you by the neck and your practice will be over. This is your last warning." I kept hoping Dr. Naismith (he invented basketball btw) was going to come back from the dead and put a peach basket over the guys head. Seriously, your kid is 7 and plays in a league where they don't keep score. And besides your kid can't dribble. Okay, that last part wasn't necessary.

So here's to being passionate but not blowing things out of proportion. Here's to being competitive but not demanding some stupid response to prove we care. Here's to remember all sports at their most basic level are pretty dumb. Here, chase a piece of rubber around on ice. Here, dribble a ball all over and try to throw it through a hoop 10 feet up. Dumb. But fun . And great experiences when we don't get all bent out of shape because we had a crappy fantasy football draft. I'm just saying.

Remember When You Couldn't Wait To Get Older?

I wasn't in a hurry. In fact if I was, I'd have pulled out in front of them when I was leaving my street a few blocks earlier. They were a cute old couple obviously heading to town in their teal Chevy cavalier. She was driving and while I was following them, I couldn't see her head above the headrest. His barely showed so at moments it looked like the car was being propelled down the highway by no one.

I followed them for about as long as I could stand it. I can only drive 43 in a 55 for so long. When I finally pulled past them something clicked in my head and I wondered what they thought of me passing them. For some reason I had this idea that as they poked down the road they made some comment like "Remember when we used to be in a big rush like that?" Now, I'm totally reading into the situation. I wasn't a jerk as I passed them and for all I know she thought she was going the speed limit. From the looks of it, the ole Chevy wasn't exactly pristine.

But think about the last time somebody whipped past you on a two lane road. Usually we feel like we're going fast enough, otherwise we'd be driving faster. Almost always there is some sort of an instant judgment I make on those people. I may or may not even be guilty of hoping that up ahead I'll pass them pulled over by a cop. I know, real mature.

You've done the same thing.

I was having a conversation with my folks the other night about how it hit them that not so long ago they were taking me to events and grandparents were coming to cheer me on. Now I'm taking my kids and my parents are the grandparents showing up to ooh and aah.

The other night we all loaded up to make a Christmas memory. The kids were in the way back, grandpa and grandma were in the middle row and Ang and I took point. On the way home we were tired, cold and running on the 4 Krispy Kreme donuts we'd each had. About halfway home we stopped for gas and as I stood next the slowest pump ever trying to keep blood flowing in my body I looked through the back windows at my two kids. They were bundled under blankets and cashed out on pillows oblivious to the fact that we had stopped. Somewhere in their subconscious they'd decided dad had it under control and they were going to get some shut eye.

I remember doing the same thing, don't you? You'd find your spot in car, get comfy and wait for dads arms to carry you to bed once you'd arrived safely. You had no clue what happened on the drive. You might have made 3 Dukes of Hazzard jumps, dad may have dodged 4 deer or been pulled over 4 times but you didn't care because you slept like a rock.

Why do I say all this? Probably because it hit me the other day that the distance between cashed out while dad drives home and passed by the guy who thinks I drive too slow isn't really that far. On some level we all know that but I still don't think we live like it. Remember the last time you heard somebody say "It seemed like my kids grew up so slow. I mean, it was like each year took 10 and we were able to savor every moment."? Yeah, me neither.

This year my kids turn 8 and 4. Pretty young. I'm now squarely in my mid 30's which isn't so old but it ain't young either. Trust me, I tried to play basketball today. But I was still sitting at my neighbors house last night when two dads are telling me they remember when their kids were my kids age and now their grand kids are older than my children. They are left with some pictures they dug out of the drawer as proof. Other than that they see 'em once or twice a year and I get the idea they wished they had more time with them.

So here's to making memories. Here's to slowing down. Not all the way to 43, that's way too slow. But in the midst of something going on every stinking night, realize its these moments we never get back. Here's to making the best of the fact that you're going to be driving somewhere with a bunch of people sometime during the holidays. Here's to being fully present, even in the painful moments because soon they'll be gone. Here's to realizing we don't stay the age we are for very long so we'd best get all we can out of it. Here's to playing our part well whether that's sleeping, driving or being passed.

I'll Tell You What I'm Thankful For

Currently Listening to: Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas by Sarah McLachlan

I've decided Christmas music makes me sentimental.

Right now Ang is making Christmas cookies and my kids are playing. For some reason, most of these words dropped in my lap and I feel compelled to share them. I'm blessed to have a great family and some incredible friends but I want you to meet somebody else you may not realize has had quite an impact on me.

He's an elder.
When I met him he was one as well. I was a young punk Bible College student and he was a respected leader in a healthy church. He seemed nice enough. He was quiet but you could tell he commanded respect. He was pretty soft spoken but you could tell he could make himself heard when it was necessary. That entire group of men was pretty impressive but he was one you could tell had a lot of great qualities. To this day people seek his opinion and he has a wisdom that you can't get from any university. He was a part of a group of men who were crazy enough to hire me for my first youth ministry and they stood by me through thick and thin, good and bad.

He's a coach.
Obviously sports is a love language for me. It's a language I speak pretty easily and its a natural place to connect with people. It's even an easy way to figure out who I might struggle connecting with. I remember the first time I was invited to spend some time at his house. Down in his basement was this great bar area filled with trophy's, awards and more legitimate hardware than I could earn in 4 lifetimes. Every once in a while he will share stories in such a way that you feel like you are on the sideline with him. Those stories don't come very often but just when the time is right, he'll dig into the bag of lore and bring out some new adventure I've never heard before. The thing is, the stories are so good that even when I'm hearing the same one for the fourth time I can't keep from listening.

He's a teacher.
He always has been. That's what coaches do while they wait for game time. He, like many, found himself in the ever necessary role of driver's ed. These days, he's not teaching anybody how to drive though he does just fine doing it himself. These days I catch him teaching my kids things. Over Thanksgiving it was teaching Carter to play pool. I sat in his recliner just out of eyesight and listened as he taught him how to hold the stick, how to position his hands, where to look as he aimed and how to have a smooth follow through. Patiently he would say the same thing as Carter failed to put it all together. Quietly he would offer new instruction and a "Okay bud, let's try and get that 7 now." He didn't celebrate the good shots near as much as you would think. Somehow I don't think it was the achieving that meant the most to him. Nonetheless, teaching seems like a natural thing to him. Always an insight, always a timely piece of wisdom you can apply.

He's a listener.
I'm sure this is not always the case! But most of the time if you can pull back in any situation you realize he listens way more than he speaks. It might be part of his secret for why his words mean so much. It might be because its hard to get a word in around some of the people in his life. It might be because he waits to speak until he has something to say.

He's a hero.
Twice I've had the chance to see his impact on others. On two separate occasions I've sat near the top of the gym and watched him be inducted into the Hall of Fame for the high school he did so much for. Those moments say a lot. They are a big deal for sure and even though he's been inducted 3 times, each of those is special in different ways. What gets me though is the impact he's had on other people I respect. When people you look up to say he is one of their hero's, you have to realize that's pretty special.

He's family.
A long time ago he and his wife had a daughter. A while :) ago, she had twins. Today, one of those twins is my wife. Over time, this man has moved from an elder who hired me to one of the men who ordained me to the grandpa of my wife to the great-grandpa of my children. He has his own son and he's got some solid grandsons. And somewhere in there I get to be a part of all that too.

And these days, he's the only grandpa I've really got. But what brings me the greatest joy is to see what he means to my wife and my kids. There are a lot of goals I have in life but one of them is most certainly to be a man who leaves an impact on my family. If I can look back on my years and know that generations of my family and others' families have been profoundly impacted for the good by my life and witness, I'll think pretty well of myself.

So Grandpa Bill, thanks for building a heritage I was blessed enough to marry into. Thanks for being great. Not perfect, but great. And thanks for giving me my first job.

Production

Currently Listening to: Not Sure by Fiction Family

"In a variety of ways we are made to believe that we are what we produce." -Nouwen

"What we need are ministers who know the true heart of God and are driven not by a hungry need to be significant in the world but by a desperate love for Jesus." -Nouwen

"We act as if visibility and notoriety were the main criteria of the value of what we are doing." -Nouwen

Last week I turned in my final paper. As I wrapped up a 2 year journey through the world of education, I found a class on Nouwen to be a wonderful way to wrap up my time attempting to get more smarter.

I realized that Nouwen was a man before his time more than I had ever realized. There is so much guiding leaders today that he was tapped into a long time ago. There is also a great deal of thought guiding service and missiology today that can find solid roots in Nouwen's thinking. Since I've not blogged for a bit I thought I would share some of my favorite thoughts from his writings.

The three at the beginning of this post bring up that ongoing battle I think most of us wrestle with as we seek to find the balance between taking pride in what we do and not finding our self-worth and value solely in our occupation whether it be ministry or not. Either way, we are not valuable simply because of that. In fact, I wrestle with just how much value that gives me even in God's eyes. The more I think about it, even if I am advancing the kingdom, for my value in His eyes to be on a sliding scale depending on my performance seems wrong. My obedience and submission are big issues no doubt but I think the externals get overrated too often.

As for a few more quotes, this one brings to mind people I have known. Try it on for size:

"Much Christian leadership is exercised by people who do not know how to develop healthy, intimate relationships and have opted for power and control instead. Many Christian empire-builders have been people unable to give and receive love." -Nouwen

I think to wrap all of this rambling up, I will share a quote from my prof. In it I found profound truth and a warning for all of us. Hopefully something shared from these men "wrecks" your day.

"In summary, even though many would consider relevance, popularity and power as key ingredients of an effective ministry, they are, in reality, "not vocations but temptations" in the ministry." -Hernandez

So here's to a day remembering why we are loved, what about us is actually "valuable" and to caring more about our obedience than our production.

Praying for Jon and Jess

For those of you who follow this blog, I want you to be aware of a serious prayer need for a couple of amazing friends from Quincy. Jessica is having surgery on Friday and I'm asking you to join in praying for them. You can follow the updates by searching Please Pray for Jess

Here's what they put on their facebook page:

Nearly three years ago, we found out that my wife, Jess, has a serious brain condition. She has what is called an AVM (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arteriovenous_malformation). They discovered it because, on December 1, 2007, she had a brain hemorrhage that she recovered from, and in the following April, her AVM was treated with Gamma Knife (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamma_knife) because it is located in an area of her brain that is difficult to access surgically. The risk with Gamma Knife, though, is that its effectiveness is gradual. It treats the AVM by building scar tissue which is a process that takes years to complete. Until that process is complete, she runs the risk of it bleeding again.

That is exactly what happened on October 29, 2010. She has been stable in the hospital, recovering steadily. The plan the doctors were leaning towards again was to do another treatment of Gamma Knife. They said the first treatment is working tremendously so far and that given another 1.5-2 years, it would probably finish the job on its own.

Unfortunately, on November 7, it bled again while she was in the hospital. Time now seems more critical, because any bleed could be catastrophic. They are now recommending surgery - to be performed probably on Friday, November 12th. This is a major surgery with very real risks. Even if successful, the recovery will be long and rough.

On September 29th of this year, we adopted our first child, Mae Denise. She is 6 weeks old, is the best thing that has ever happened to us, and needs her mother to come home soon. All Jessica has ever wanted to do was be a mommy. Please pray that she can be just that.

A good friend, Candace Baker, started this page and asked if I would write this to explain our situation so that more of you can pray for my amazing wife. Words cannot describe how much I appreciate all of you. I will link to the updates that I've been writing along the way for friends and family.

Thank you again for taking the time to read about our situation. If possible, please pray for my wife. Pray for her healing and pray for her doctors and their wisdom.

Thank you so much,

Jon Pittman

Do you want to simulate this game?

Currently Listening to: Martin by Zac Brown Band

I need to make a confession. It impacts not just how I spend my time but how I am parenting my son. I love video games. Yeah, I know. This colossal waste of time where nothing good can ever happen and this area of my life that takes tons of money is one of my vices. Not only do I like it, I have hooked my son on it as well.

Go ahead, judge me. I blame Mario, Link, Icarus and the people at Nintendo. I'm working on a class action suit right now that would allow me to retire to the Bahamas and put my kids through 4 years of school at Oregon.

If you will indulge me, let me tell you what Carter and I love to do more than anything. We pop in Madden and rather than play the games, we simulate them. We pick some team (99% of the time the Colts) and begin to simulate the games. We love the off-season where we run the draft, sign free agents and Carter's favorite part is working trades. Early indications are that he's either going to work on Wall Street or run a pawn shop. Both are good.

We simulate for say 6 or 7 years and see if we can build a dynasty. Usually we win at least one Super Bowl but every once in a while we fail worse than the Cubs. Every once in a while we don't have a winning season, our budget gets all jacked like Enron and end up relieved of our duties.

But here's the beauty of doing that on a video game. We just start over. Plus, since we've done it so many times, we know the way the stystem works. We know how to make unfair trades, we know the free agents the computer loves and we know what guys on the Colts roster are as useful as a spork.

Why am I babbling about video games? Follow me for a second.

Because in life there is no simulation button. Once we choose a path, we live those consequences. There is no reset button where we can turn the system off without saving it. Sure, there are second chances and there are grace, man am I happy about that. But there are also moments where we stand like Robert Frost at a fork in the road and only get to choose one direction.

And there is no chance for us to come back and choose a different adventure. There is no keeping your finger on that page while you turn ahead and see if the adventure you picked turns out well. Once you flip the page, you've determined that move for good.

That being said, I think each day is like this. We only get it once and what we do with it needs to matter. Take that how you want. Redeeming your day is not for me to decide. But in a society who loves do-overs, here's to making the right choice the first time. Here's to making the most of the decisions we've already made. And here's to one last attempt at making the Cleveland Browns a viable football team on Madden.

Thanks to God's Economy by Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove for inspiring this post.

Shhhhh

Currently Listening to: Silence

"The discipline of prayer is the intentional, concentrated, and regular effort to create space for God." -Henri Nouwen

I've been getting my tail kicked lately on the disciplines of prayer and solitude. As an introvert, I really don't mind solitude, its just that I seem to be too busy for it and there are usually too many people around. I think everybody at the office has been in on my need for solitude though, since everybody has been on the road, there have been a total of 3 of us at the office every day this week.

But this week I have been reminded of why every moment cannot be a go moment. Without some stillness, we can get so caught up in our activity that we begin to hear only our own thoughts.

I drove to work one day this week with no radio (which is almost torture for me). I found myself anxious to get to work and almost frustrated by the silence. It made me realize how addicted I am to noise, even good noise. I was talking with one of my profs about this and we came to the agreement that sometimes even good noise can drown out the best voice we can listen to.

So how about you? When is the last time you heard God's voice? When is the last time you slowed down enough to let your body relax so you could hear the best wisdom there is.

Here's the thing though: slowing down takes longer than my commute home. In the winter when my friend Keith and I head to the monastery, it takes about 12 hours before I finally feel any peace. The first few times we head into a time of prayer, my legs are jumping, I'm squirming like a 3 year old at a wedding and I find every single noise an opportunity for distraction. But if I set aside enough time, I find that suddenly I'm sitting stiller, my heart rate is more consistent and I finally have enough junk out of my head that I have some space to be refilled with great stuff.

So here's to setting aside some time to chill out. Here's to a little "shhhh". Who knows, we might actually hear something profound when we quit listening to ourselves.

"Somewhere we know that without a lonely place, our lives are in danger. Somewhere we know that without silence, words lose their meaning; that without listening, speaking no longer heals; that without distance, closeness cannot cure. Somewhere we know that without a solitary place, our actions quickly become empty gestures. The careful balance between silence and words, withdrawal and involvement, distance and closeness, solitude and community forms the basis of the spiritual life and should therefore be the subject of our most personal attention." -Henri Nouwen

Why I hate opening presents in front of people

About 5 years ago I had the opportunity to spend a week in Baja Mexico building a home for a woman along with a couple of youth groups. The week was a powerful one and I will always remember the final day when the father of the woman who we were building the house for came and made amazing carne asada over an open fire. We ate like kings that day and it was this very cool moment where the woman, her two children and her parents shared a meal with all of us gringos. When the meal was over with, we made a big circle and each student was able to share a few sentences of encouragement and blessing on the lady before the last person handed her the key to the front door of the first home she had ever owned.

You could try, but you'll never erase the memory of the tears on her face. You could think as I get older I'd forget, but as a dad, I remember looking at the face of this woman's father and seeing the peace, the joy and almost this sense of relief you could see as it meant so much to him for his daughter to have a roof over her head, a door she could lock and a room for her children to sleep in complete with a dresser, new sheets, nice new beds and a night light.

I remember seeing the impact this trip had on the students I had served with all week. They had worked hard and to see the fruit of their labor received with just gratefulness left all of us feeling like the week in Mexico was worth all the effort.

I'm guessing if you have been around youth ministry, you've had the same type of experience. They are great. They do some good.

But I'm wrestling with what they are really teaching everybody.

From the perspective of the lady, I can only guess. I know it is a huge blessing but since I've never been back, I don't know what that home meant to her long-term. I only have my idea of what that could do for her.

From the perspective of the kids, I have a slightly better idea. Man, the more I think about this, the more I feel judgmental. I guess its hard to decipher what was meant as a nice gesture and where we crossed the line into thinking they needed the same things we would expect in our house. Not that there is anything wrong with matching sheets, new stuff, coordinated paint and curtains. But I know that 20 students came up with over $450 of their own money and dropped it on furniture, decor and stuff. Some of them drove into town and hit the markets buying left and right in what I would imagine looked a lot like a timed shopping spree.

If I think about it, it was probably as extravagant and over the top as Extreme Makeover. Follow me, it wasn't the same amount of money that Ty and his tools use, but it was done with the same type of excess. Now, I know I'm picking on America's favorite improvement show but when I watch that show, those people deserve kindness no doubt but do they need 14 plasma TVs, a retractable roof over their new Olympic size swimming pool and 4 freezers?

Ok, I'll back off that. How about this. When Ty does his "move that bus" moment, who is that really for? Is it for the people who received or for the show and those that worked?

When we gave that woman the key to her home, who was that moment for?

I wonder what it felt like to be that woman who had very little and to be surrounded by 20 people who had come from America and spent thousands of dollars to build a home and then hand you the key, waiting for a response. I wonder what it felt like seeing that video camera rolling and knowing that whatever footage was captured right there was the pinnacle of the show the kids would show the rest of the church when they got home to justify flying 2500 miles and driving 300 more to serve.

I know how much I hate opening presents on my birthday in front of people. You know that awkward moment where you open it and then regardless of how much you like it, must react in front of everyone? Yeah, can't imagine that moment only instead of a new pair of footie pajamas, its a house.

This post has probably gone on long enough. All I'm saying is, it is time we think about what we are doing and what reaction we are really after. It's time we start finding a way to put our faith into action that actually considers what it feels like to be the other person.

Maybe a small quote from Friendship at the Margins

"If we minister with the hope of being thanked or with the expectation that those who receive our help will be grateful, we will not be in a good position to respond when they are not. Life-giving ministry flows from lives that are full of gratitude to God, not with an expectation of gratitude from others." -Heuertz

What if, Day 5

Currently Listening to: Beautiful Things by Gungor

"When we allow ourselves to be disarmed, we become both vulnerable and strong. The only weapons then at our disposal are those of the Spirit. We choose the way of Jesus, laying aside all the earthly resources that give us power--in order to be present to those we love." Friendship at the Margins

I don't remember who said it but it hits me every time I think about it. They were talking about how we interact with other people and they said that when we give up our power and choose to serve another, we open ourselves up to hurt, injury and the opportunity to be taken advantage of.

I didn't and still don't really like that idea.

I mean, I like what it's saying but getting offended or taken advantage of is not exactly my idea of a good time.

I guess because of this I've chosen more often to do nice things in a way that keep me safer. I'll be happy to serve but only if it has some level of comfort in it. That in itself is why short term service is way more popular than long-term stuff. It's probably another reason why this generation loves missional work that is cause driven rather than people oriented. I'd rather write a check and be done with it than spend hours working with a kiddo in my area that has some of the same needs. I'm not necessarily saying that stuff is bad but I'm guilty of knowing deep down its easier to write a check then give up my time.

When I really think about it though, it means I have to turn my back on Jesus. Or at the very least I have to take a second and tear Philippians 2 out of my Bible. And I'm not comfortable doing that.

So what do I do? What do I do to start modeling and teaching my kids a healthier way. What conversations could I have had with my parents if they'd have let me walk in the homeless shelter when we gave donations instead of leaving me in the car because it was too dangerous? What if I had the opportunity as a kid to realize that baking a few pumpkin pies at Thanksgiving for the Rescue Mission was at its best not much.

So here's to getting hurt. Here's to getting taken advantage of. Here's to being misunderstood by those that call themselves religious and here's to pursuing something that doesn't make sense. It worked out alright for Jesus and I have this nagging sense he's asking me to consider the same.

What if, Day 4

I picked up a new book this week I've been excited to read. It's by a guy who I have a great deal of respect for. I'm finding some pretty incredible ideas and some powerful things I've heard before but said in a fresh way.

I keep thinking about how we say things. I'm also still thinking about what we say through our actions and how those are often louder statements than we realize.

Our Know Sweat team is working through our old tag line of His Heart. Their Needs. Your Service. Originally, I loved it. Now, I'm not so sure. If you've noticed, we've dropped it to Heart.Needs.Service. One of the reasons for this is we no longer feel like communicating their needs and your service is healthy. See, we don't do service projects so that we can help them. That communicates that they can't help us.

And I don't like that.

Try this quote on for size:
"Mission or ministry with people who are poor or vulnerable often assumes that "our" task is to meet "their" needs. Whether their need is for the good news of Christ or for bread and a place to sleep, we tend to think that we have the resources and they have the needs. A focus on friendship rearranges our assumptions. What if the resources they have also meet our needs? What if Jesus is already present in ways that will minister to us? What if in sharing life together as friends we all move closer to Jesus' heart?" Friendship at the Margins

So it's time to redeem our terminology. It's time to stop treating people as projects and stop looking people who seem to have needs as our chance to drop our awesomeness on them. It's time to realize that poverty, real poverty, is actually broken relationships. (Thanks Molesky) And if that's the case, we are all poor. We all need help.

See there is a generation growing up that cares a great deal about the world. That gets me excited. What gets me more excited is doing something to help them/us learn how to honor and serve not in short bursts but all the time. What gets me excited is to see how when we care about one another we can fix a lot of broken relationships. And if we fixed that poverty that could really change the world. In fact, I could give the next years of my life to that.

Actually, I think I will.

What if, Day 3

Currently Listening to: To Be Loved by Thad Cockrell

More reading. More questions.

"There is, however, a second temptation in ministry: the temptation to give up powerlessness through spiritual pioneerism. One of the most conspicuous forms of faithlessness in the ministry is the blatant individualism. of the ministers. Seminaries often seem to be training grounds for individual stardom. But Jesus did not send His disciples out one by one. He ordered them to go out together. The powerlessness of the minister reveals itself when the ministry is perceived and lived out as a shared vocation. Much competition and rivalry within the ministry, as well as much of the loneliness and frustration of ministers, find their basis in this rugged individualism." -Nouwen

This quote stings a bit. I think its true. It is certainly what we reward it seems to me. Sure, we have a responsibility to develop as individuals but this should always play out in the community as well. I'm certain that competition rivalry, loneliness and frustration aren't a part of the ministry I signed up for. Seems like our American ideal runs against the grain of the Gospel on this one. It works great for John Wayne and Indiana Jones but not for us. Agree?

What if, Day 2

So I'm reading last night and I come across this quote about Nouwen:
"Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place."
I love this quote. The biggest reason why is because it eliminates our ability to be awesome. It takes the power out of our hands and helps us realize that we exist for each other. It makes me realize that I'm blessed when I serve and I'm blessed by others when I serve and it helps explain why I usually walk away from these things "getting more than I gave".

"Ministry is never accomplished in detachment from community; ministry is always done within its context. We do ministry in community together as a body since community is not only a shared reality but also a shared burden that requires us to act together as one."

So, until we see what we do as a part of what we do, we are missing the point. Until we quit calling others our "projects" and until we quit thinking we are bringing great things to others, I still say we are doing more harm than good.

What if the point is actually what you can teach me?

While reading for class a while back, I came across a quote from Thomas Kelly. In his book A Testament of Devotion he shares, “Do we want to help people because we feel sorry for them or because we genuinely love them? The world needs something deeper than pity; it needs love.” God’s view of justice has virtually nothing to do with feeling sorry for people and everything to do with genuine love. Matthew 9 is an insightful passage as Jesus is moved by the crowds and feels compassion but follows that up with the mandate that we need workers to meet that need. Matthew 9:35-38 says this:

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

My own experience with service projects for the last 5 years has opened my eyes to the fact that many people enjoy missions and service trips because they feel better after getting a quick high off of feeling heartbroken over a person or a situation. Pity certainly does show up in scripture but in every passage, the Good Samaritan being one, pity results in action. The fact is, nobody wants to be pitied. Where is the dignity in that? If we call people to care simply out of pity and guilt, it is foolish to think this can do any good long-term.

Though their intention is good, it rarely translates into an actual life change once the trip is over. Days or maybe weeks after the trip is over, their attention has again moved back to their own wants and desires. If justice to us means meeting a need short term or feeling like we need to get something out of our experience, we have failed. Until justice means redeeming and restoring people and situations whether that means meeting a need or moving on from an offense, we will be falling short. Until these "trips" translate into long-term life change, I wonder just how much good they are really doing.

Today's Stupidity is Tomorrow's Brilliance

Currently Listening to: Not Sure by Fiction Family

I had this dumb idea to go back and read some of my old posts from a few years ago.

I think anytime you have the stupidity to put your thoughts in the open, you have to be prepared to look back at them and be ashamed. Not every thought we have is worth sharing.

Or maybe not every thought is developed enough to be ready for public consumption.

However, I also believe that when we think, we begin to work on something that then can develop and someday might actually become a rational or even worthwhile thought.

I was reading the other day about writing. In the midst of that reading I came across some pretty cool thoughts. Here are a couple highlights (Once again, thanks Henri Nouwen):

*"What I am gradually discovering is that in the writing I come in touch with the Spirit of God within me and experience how I am led to new places."

*"Writing is a process in which we discover what lives in us."

I have these friends who used to have a band. They called the band Work in Progress. I always liked the name because 1. someday I want to be a rock star.... Now that I said that I'm not sure that had any relevance.

So 2. I love the imagery that they weren't complete but they were working towards something.

I feel the same way about writing. Sometimes I sit down with a point I want to write about. Other times I have a thought and the only way I can think to think through it is to start writing. Every once in a while I'm shocked at where i end up. Other times I'm disappointed that I said so many words and ended up with very little.

So maybe the title is a bit over zealous. But I do think that if I don't think today about things, I'll have very little to build on tomorrow. And if I have nothing to build on tomorrow......

The more I think about it, most of life is like this. We discover who we are by trying and seeing what happens. It's why I know I stink at soccer, archery, being a lifeguard and singing in public.

I remember my coach when I worked at a church telling me that the problem with me was that I kept waiting for the perfect idea and in the meantime kept missing out on sharing any good ideas I had. The reality was, the perfect idea never came and I was left a non-contributor who people thought didn't care since I never said anything.

So let's be honest, sharing a dumb idea can sometimes be embarrassing. Doing the wrong thing is rarely awesome.

So here's to exploring. Here's to risking a dumb idea today so we might have a better one somewhere down the road.

More (Turtle)

Currently listening to: Only You by DCB This week was parent teacher conferences at Carter's school. We had a great time talking with his teacher who is doing an amazing job. It is still somewhat strange to go to those things. Makes me feel as old as I actually am.

While there the teacher noticed I was a bit distracted by the class pet. His name is Slipee. Actually I have no idea how they spell it but I choose that spelling because it reminds me of a slurpee of which I am very fond.

9 years ago a student brought Carter's teacher this turtle. 9 years ago, and he still has it. It hangs out in the class and according to Carter "During the day he just lays there and stares at us. He doesn't really do anything cool." Not a bad gig compared to the demise of many of his kinfolk I've seen smeared across the road near the school.

Getting to the point though, Slipee has a pretty decent life going on. Over the summer though, Carter's teacher was beginning to feel guilty that he wasn't providing a nice enough home for the old Slipster. He did some research and then went out and bought him an MTV Cribs worthy pad complete with just about everything they say turtles desire. Carter's teacher pulled Slipee out of the shanty he was living in and dropped him in paradise.

Funny thing is, Slipee just sat there. Not excited, not curious just not enough to really do anything. Long story short, Slipee liked what he had going on. Carter's teacher took it all back and today you can find Slipee chillin' in his simple abode.

You could take this story a number of ways and since this is my blog I choose to take it this way. I know you could role with the whole, "isn't it awesome how content Slipee is?! We should all be so grateful for our surroundings!". I'm not saying that.

I was hanging out with a bunch of friends last week and we were talking about Ephesians because that's what we got to do. We landed in Ephesians 3 where Paul is praying for the church that it would grasp God's power and love and live with a desire for more. Not in some greedy I need as much as the next guy way. More like in a this is flipping cool, we should do this more often kind of way. Ephesians 3:20-21 is all about how God can do more than our turtle sized brains can dream up. We've all thought about this verse I'm sure and normally our application is, "I want a BMW so if God can do more....." I don't think that's it though.

My point? Glad you asked. Surprised you lasted this long. My point is I think we confuse comfort for blessing. We get so bent out of shape when our status quo gets messed with that I think we have a father who wants to pull us out of what we've got and drop us in something awesome but when he tries we often sit there uninterested and wishing we had our old stuff back.

Could it be that there are varying degrees of better? Is it possible that we would settle for pretty good when face melting awesome is ours for the taking? What's the more that God is or wants to give you?

Or maybe I took a dumb story about a turtle way too far......