About 5 years ago I had the opportunity to spend a week in Baja Mexico building a home for a woman along with a couple of youth groups. The week was a powerful one and I will always remember the final day when the father of the woman who we were building the house for came and made amazing carne asada over an open fire. We ate like kings that day and it was this very cool moment where the woman, her two children and her parents shared a meal with all of us gringos. When the meal was over with, we made a big circle and each student was able to share a few sentences of encouragement and blessing on the lady before the last person handed her the key to the front door of the first home she had ever owned.
You could try, but you'll never erase the memory of the tears on her face. You could think as I get older I'd forget, but as a dad, I remember looking at the face of this woman's father and seeing the peace, the joy and almost this sense of relief you could see as it meant so much to him for his daughter to have a roof over her head, a door she could lock and a room for her children to sleep in complete with a dresser, new sheets, nice new beds and a night light.
I remember seeing the impact this trip had on the students I had served with all week. They had worked hard and to see the fruit of their labor received with just gratefulness left all of us feeling like the week in Mexico was worth all the effort.
I'm guessing if you have been around youth ministry, you've had the same type of experience. They are great. They do some good.
But I'm wrestling with what they are really teaching everybody.
From the perspective of the lady, I can only guess. I know it is a huge blessing but since I've never been back, I don't know what that home meant to her long-term. I only have my idea of what that could do for her.
From the perspective of the kids, I have a slightly better idea. Man, the more I think about this, the more I feel judgmental. I guess its hard to decipher what was meant as a nice gesture and where we crossed the line into thinking they needed the same things we would expect in our house. Not that there is anything wrong with matching sheets, new stuff, coordinated paint and curtains. But I know that 20 students came up with over $450 of their own money and dropped it on furniture, decor and stuff. Some of them drove into town and hit the markets buying left and right in what I would imagine looked a lot like a timed shopping spree.
If I think about it, it was probably as extravagant and over the top as Extreme Makeover. Follow me, it wasn't the same amount of money that Ty and his tools use, but it was done with the same type of excess. Now, I know I'm picking on America's favorite improvement show but when I watch that show, those people deserve kindness no doubt but do they need 14 plasma TVs, a retractable roof over their new Olympic size swimming pool and 4 freezers?
Ok, I'll back off that. How about this. When Ty does his "move that bus" moment, who is that really for? Is it for the people who received or for the show and those that worked?
When we gave that woman the key to her home, who was that moment for?
I wonder what it felt like to be that woman who had very little and to be surrounded by 20 people who had come from America and spent thousands of dollars to build a home and then hand you the key, waiting for a response. I wonder what it felt like seeing that video camera rolling and knowing that whatever footage was captured right there was the pinnacle of the show the kids would show the rest of the church when they got home to justify flying 2500 miles and driving 300 more to serve.
I know how much I hate opening presents on my birthday in front of people. You know that awkward moment where you open it and then regardless of how much you like it, must react in front of everyone? Yeah, can't imagine that moment only instead of a new pair of footie pajamas, its a house.
This post has probably gone on long enough. All I'm saying is, it is time we think about what we are doing and what reaction we are really after. It's time we start finding a way to put our faith into action that actually considers what it feels like to be the other person.
Maybe a small quote from Friendship at the Margins
"If we minister with the hope of being thanked or with the expectation that those who receive our help will be grateful, we will not be in a good position to respond when they are not. Life-giving ministry flows from lives that are full of gratitude to God, not with an expectation of gratitude from others." -Heuertz
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