Chaos

Album currently playing: Nothing Left To Lose by Mat Kearney

I find life to be a facinating thing. I'm in a good rut of reading lately which consists of pretty much all biographies with a couple "church" type books sprinkled in. I'm finishing up a great book on JFK that I've had all summer but never dedicated a lot of time to with the exception of poolside on vacation but its been worth the time. I guess what captures me is how life is rarely about order and tranquility because there isn't much and yet none of us really want that. We say we do, yet our sense of drive, ambition, our need to succeed dictates that we are not able to sit back and coast. There may be moments but even in some of those life steps in with variables we can't predict or possibly even control. Those moments though are the things that let us know we're alive and make us grateful for other moments which at the time we weren't happy about. We finally ascend the hill to look back at the valley and though it sucked we're grateful for what we learned and came out of the pit with and yet we see far beyond something more intriguing, something more beautiful, or at least closer to that ultimate destination and so we head out knowing somewhere in our subconscious that there's probably another valley out there. Sometimes we walk waiting for the ground to fall out from under us, sometimes we walk with a confidence we've not known before. Sometimes we expect bad and get good, sometimes we feel invincible only to get leveled out of nowhere. And all the while we watch our friends and those we love go through the same thing. Sometimes our spot on the hill affords us the perspective to see what they're doing, sometimes they're way beyond us and we wonder where the strength, the fortitude, the insight comes from for them to survive. Sometimes those friends give us just the boost we need to survive, sometimes we feel as though the island we're on has never been seen before and there's no one to help.

Sometimes this life I lead now leaves me with the perspective of observer. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty happening in our lives, there's our daily struggles but in the past week Ang and I keep having these little conversations about people we love and what the heck is going on in their part of the journey. I talked for 2 hours with one this morning. It was all good, some of the conversation was sad because of what had to be said in honesty. I've read about or seen the pictures of others experiences and been left wishing there was a way I could be there or could offer a way to go. There are some I've lost contact with and the way they left things makes me afraid for them. There's the visit to a blog to read a maturity in someone I've not seen before and its encouraging and impressive.

While I was in Mexico I had the opportunity 4 different times to swim in the ocean. It was beautiful. Especially since we'd work so hard all day there was something about disengaging from the group, though we'd swim together, something about the way we'd all head out and process what we were living in a communal way as we simultaneously enjoyed nature and life. We'd body surf for a while, then start waiting just for good waves to catch which would lead us to end up often beyond all the breaks maybe a couple hundred yards off shore. We could still touch the ground but mostly just floated over what would eventually become a wave once it got closer to shore. The thing about it was it was so much life, always moving, always changing, sometimes exciting, sometimes a little intimidating, sometimes boring. Each of us would catch different waves, see different things some of us would venture back towards shore and some would swim farther out. Some of us didn't want to get out, some just wanted to get back to shore where you could stop and rest and catch your breath. But the real fun was in the same place as the real danger. Honestly, I can't lie I was a little scared when I first saw the fin of the dolphin above the water. Funny how the most beautiful experience was also a little terrifying. The best part of being at the beach was also in the same position where the worst moments of getting crushed by a wave or drinking more salt water than was healthy happened. And on one of our final days out there those of us in the water saw what those on the shore totally missed--8 dolphins. The came towards us, circled around a couple time and then swam back and forth in front of us in the breaks of the waves. 2 actually swam towards one of the leaders and swam on either side of him close enough he could feel them go by. And it was worth being out there. It was worth the salt in the back of my throat, the sore ear, the scuff on my knee from a nasty wave. It was something I'll never forget. And in the chaos of the ocean I saw, and maybe just me, a metaphor of life. I'm going to assume if you're reading this your a friend of mine so I wish you the best today. I pray your swim is memorable and my encouragement to you is keep your head above water. If you need somebody to help you talk to them. If you're too deep, head back closer to shore but by all means, keep swimming. It will be worth it.

Weekend Report

Currently Listening To: Let You Down by Dave Matthews Band

Maybe its the fact that I haven't had a normal weekend at home in about 3 months but this past weekend was amazing. Simply amazing. Here's all the life changing, earth shattering stuff we accomplished this weekend:






Yeah, that's what I mean. We didn't do anything huge and it was very, very nice. We did attempt to work on Ang's car which died at the Y. It is finally back home and we'll work on it this week. Looks like an alternator. Nice. Too bad I am a mechanical moron. Thank goodness for friends. Our trips in to try and get to Ang's car which seemed to always have people parked around it resulting in a complete inability to jump start it did result in 2 wonderful family trips to Starbucks resulting in Cafe con Leche's for us and lemonade or chocolate milk for Carter. Other important big news, we bought 2 new pillows. The one that traveled with me this summer needed to be retired or burned and we were tired of laying our heads on pillows that felt like they had wadded up socks in them.

We also rented some movies--its time to catch up on all the stuff we missed all summer so the 3 selections for the weekend were: Bad News Bears (disappointing, funny but too much language), Inside Man (according to Ang, anything with Denzel is a winner--it was very good) and finally Crash. Yes, we were the 2 people on earth not to see it. To be honest, I really liked it. We both did, and a lot more than we thought we would. It got me to thinking and was well done so all in all, we didn't do too bad. The one movie I'm dying to see still is Syriana which I've heard some amazingly mixed reviews about which makes me want to see it all the more.

Now Playing: Crooked Deep Down by Derek Webb

Last night Carter and I walked down to the movie store to take the movies back. That kid. Good grief. He's getting quite the personality and is so funny at times. He can also test the last nerve occasionally but man do we love him. The big thing I'm working on him about right now is that when we're in public we don't have to talk at the top of our lungs so that everyone in the county here's us. Especially since he repeats himself all the time or says some of the most off the wall stuff. Last night we were watching the Cubs/Cards game (seriously, amazing. That's what makes baseball great) when he went down unprovoked and informed Ang that his head hurt, my head hurt and she needed to make us a bowl of popcorn. Yeah, not sure where it came from but the popcorn was good.

So that was my weekend. Ang is busy working on baby names and though I was a spoilsport last night it was fun to talk about names. At this point, it may mean nothing, but I think we have it down to 5 boys names and 6 girls names. Maybe 7. I can't get her to go for Ebenezer yet. Okay, it's Monday so enjoy.

Stuff You Can't Possibly Care About

It's been a while since I've talked about myself so its high time I update you on at least a few random things about myself.

First I had an amazing vacation with my lovely wife. It was downright relaxing. Lots of reading, walks on the beach, amazing seafood and just pure laziness. It was wierd to not have to take care of the man child and simply do what we want like a married couple with no kids. I'd recommend the location and plan on going back myself before we go another 4 years without a vacation.

Fall is here and with it a new set of things to work on. My travel is not going to be quite as oppressive as last year but I'll be busy. I do get to do some international travel besides Mexico again which makes me very happy. As long as I can take my ipod with me at least.

Speaking of said ipod, I am obsessed with the 25 most played songs on my ipod. I think its a telling thing about a person, which songs they are listening to the most. Obviously mine is dominated by the summer travels but its still interesting. So, without further ado, I present my top 5:

1.Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
2.My Savior My God by Aaron Shust
3.Paper Thin Hymn by Anberlin
4.Stationary by Anberlin
5.We're Going To Be Friends by Jack Johnson

It's kind of a wierd mix to me but still, you should check them out. Speaking of things to check out here's some songs I think you should listen to if you have the time, it would be worth it because, let's be honest, you're not doing anything important if you're still on my blog.
1. Waiting on the World to Change by John Mayer (I am very excited for the new album)
2.Is It Any Wonder? by Keane
3.Stitched Up by Herbie Hancock feat. John Mayer
4. Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap (recommended by Coghill)

Speaking of Coghill I must speak to a rumor that I now have a piercing. It is true. While in San Diego with my bud Coghill, after the amazing week in Mexico (which I still plan on reporting on) we went to a place called Superfly which he Googled on his Treo while we walked the gaslamp district, and got our ears pierced. Now, lest I sound any less heterosexual than I do right now let me explain a couple things. First, it is up at the top of the ear not down at the bottom. Second, we did not go anywhere near the other when it was done it was not like I needed someone to hold my hand or anything. And third it didn't hurt at all, getting a tattoo is much harder--oh, you didn't know I have one of those too? Yeah, I guess I'm a pagan. Anyway, I have a ring in but must get a clear spacer put in while I head to the Philippines. So anyway, that rumor if you've heard it is true. The only pain now is when people grab it--otherwise its healing nicely thank you.

Other exciting news is that our riding lawnmower had a safety recall on it. Seems that a hose disconnects from the gas tank (it had already happened to me) and peoples mowers were apparently going up in flames. Turns out this is a bad thing, something Sears wasn't okay with which I found comforting. So, they sent a new part and a friendly little fella out to repair it. In the meantime I was not able to use it (what a great excuse for why I wasn't mowing my lawn). Unfortunatey both Ang and I had spent some time on the thing so I guess once again we taunted death. I can't tell you how tough that makes me feel.

Finally, my beloved Cardinals are sinking. Even more sad is that my fantasy baseball team is following a similar path. Baseball is being a bad friend lately but I have faith that things will redeem themselves. Even if they don't its simply baseball and that's nothing compared to the fact that in about 2 weeks we'll be finding out when our baby is due for sure and what we're having (hopefully). Oh if Carter only knew what he's in for.

So I guess that is a quick update. We're busy working on summer plans for next year. Looks like I'll be in Cincinnati for 5 weeks and St. Louis for one. I'm pretty excited about that but we have a lot of work to do before we get there. Oh and I'm headed to Colorado in October for a few days for a pretty facinating meeting and hopefully some good research for the future.

And.I'm. Done.

Stumblings

Ever sit down to post and wonder whether what is really bouncing around in your head will actually come out on the screen or if you'll just mutter and people will find it any number of things and you'll walk away having processed things and yet wondering whether it will make any difference? Yeah me neither.

Except right now.

So I'm lost in Hillsong stuff today. Some of it new, some of it old, all of it a great place to retreat to.

So I think it is official that I can say I really dig what I do. I mean service stuff, not in a narcissitic way I really think I'm awesome or something. I really think I might possibly in some way have a heart for what I do. I say that in all truth with a heavy dose of understatement and some sarcasm sprinkled on top.

Today the realization was this: I'm a story junkie. Lately I find a thought in scripture and really truly try to meditate on it and what comes out is a bunch of connections between that verse and a number of others and sprinkled in amongst that is stories of stuff I've seen and then I'm trying to boil it down to some truths to live by. Basically that's what one of my sermons looks like right now. I did it a few weeks ago in Mexico and I've done that about 4 times in the last 2 days on the phone and in person. Stuff that when I share it I give myself goosebumps. Well, I don't give them to myself, but I get them from rethinking the story. I notice my mannerisms change and my voice changes and my emotions run high. I find myself exhausted at the end of them in a good way. I find myself emotional about them. I actually teared up in Mexico a couple times--and for those of you who know me that's a big deal.

I really do intend to share some stuff about Mexico but so far really only my wife and a few others have heard much of it because its so deep in there. Plus I want pictures to share. But really, I'm just not sure I'm ready to just puke it out on a screen--I really want to find a better platform to talk about it. This is too, well, imprersonal and since there isn't much dialogue about the stuff it leaves me wondering and then I get lost in my own cavernous skull ( I was told a number of times this summer that I have a big skull--not like I'm smart, like my melon is huge--like sputnik if you will).

Well, this is probably not what you were hoping for from a post but then again you probably came with low expectations. My buddy Coghill says I use self-depricating humor a lot. I guess this post might give some preverbial fuel to his fire.

Okay, so I just heard about the terrorism stuff. Seems like that might be important to look at. Happy day.

It's Been A While

Currently Listening: Ipod on shuffle
Currently Playing: She Is by The Fray

BTW, did I not tell you people The Fray would be huge? If I had the time I'd go back to Old Gil and find the post where I first spoke of them. Back when you thought I was an idiot and I was wrong about them. Now I'm just an idiot.

So the summer is over. It was amazing.

I ended my 7 week adventure in Mexico and it was simply beautiful. The experience was unforgetable and when I muster up the strength and/or get some pictures from the time there I'll post a little. Otherwise it will remain in my heart and mind until further sermons.

So I'm back in the office this week until Ang and I escape to vacation ditching the man child. Our first vacation since before he was born. That seems like a long time or something. Good thing I now have 1501 songs on my Ipod. That should cover most of the trip.

Now Playing: Jesus I Lift My Eyes by Jars of Clay

After some thought it looks like I might spend a lot of summer in Cincinnati next year which is very cool. Nothing to report yet though.

Okay, I have not hte strength to carry this on and since hardly anyone else is blogging these days I trust that I'm safe from many reading this. I shall report more later.