It Is Well

It's that wonderful time between dinner and before celebration. You know, you're dressed nice and ready to rock but you're stuck at the dinner table eating slowly because worship isn't for another hour? The only difference for me is I'm back at the apartments and because they even have wireless internet in Nebraska (did you know they had it for free at a rest stop in IOWA??? You can't even get free internet at Starbucks and you can get it at a rest stop in Iowa--of course you have to be in Iowa, the trade off there is a tough one).

Back to my point, I have the opportunity to attempt to put a thought down on cyberpaper before I head off to worship. I really hope this comes out right since I don't know all the PC terms out there but here goes?

Yesterday Ben and I were working our magic at the lumber yard/hardware store here in Norfolk. It's one of the fun things about our job since we get to spend money on the projects and all but this particular store sucks. Sorry, but its true. However they have a monopoly here in Norfolk so were stuck. So anyway, they only have 2 lanes open all day, one express and one regular. We never make express purposes so we're stuck in the regular one. Yesterday all day, from before 8 until almost 5 it was the same girl working. She had a some physical handicaps that restricted her ability to walk or talk overly well but she did a great job and was super friendly. The first time or two through the line we didn't talk much but by trip 5 or 6 we were talking more and it was a cool thing for me. I tried my best to treat her like any other employee but found myself trying to do things for her and yet she was more than qualified for the job she had.

Today we were picking up some other supplies and I was sitting in the truck waiting and I saw a van pull up. In it was a lady and a 20 something boy with down's. He was on his paper route and she was helping him, he happened to have all the downtown businesses. She got out and handed him all his papers and he immediately heads across main street, straight into traffic. She yells, a car screeches to a halt and he books it across the street and into the first store. A few minutes later he'd completed all his stops in the small downtown and in the van they loaded up and were off.

I guess it hits me because I'm watching kids who paid $185 to come work. Becuase they can. They don't have any restrictions, they don't have anything to "overcome' and I'm not saying their better, I'm not saying the two incredible people I've seen are unhappy or anything like that, it just hit me how incredibly blessed we are, how our problems, our struggles at times make me feel so. dang. guilty.

I love this job. I love how it kicks my perspective in the butt and makes me hate some parts of my only child mentality. I love how I watch a group come together and achieve something that at first looks impossible. I love the leaders who help them achieve those goals. I love them and I tell them that at every week I'm a part of because without Steve, Dan, Steve, Michelle, LeAnn, Pam, Ret, Brian, Dale, Melanie, Larry, Lori, Dianne and so many others my time in youth ministry would have been so lame. I love it because those people give up vacation, time with family, a trip to the cabin or whatever to invest in something so much bigger. And it is beautiful.

I watched that lady help the fella with his paper route and it was beautiful. I watched a girl teach me how to use 3 tab shingles today and it was beautiful. I watched kids paint a mural in a shelter for abused and neglected kids and it was beautiful. I watched a lady with some physical struggles arrive back at the hardware store today for another day of work with a smile on her face and a look of pride in her eye and it was beautiful. Because at the end of the day it is really all about whether we ever get off our butt and do something for the world or we choose to stay self absorbed and consumed with who we are and what we need.

I finished my book on Clemente, the old baseball player who died in a plane crash trying to help out those hurt in an earthquake. The book was moving, and from it I leave you with a quote of what was his mantra in life:

"If you have a chance to accomplish something that will make things better for people coming behind you and you don't do that, you are wasting your time on earth."

Amen.

Sweet Emotion

It's tuesday, we've completed our first official day of work for the first weeks of Know Sweat for the summer. Things are going amazingly. Things here in Nebraska are going great, speaker and worship rock, all the new things we bought are doing what we want and the projects are being accomplished. I find myself sitting in the back each night and other than some MC duties, more observing than anything. I've been pretty emotional about the whole thing--thinking about things, remembering things, longing for things--realizing there are moments we're living into this summer that I've been looking forward to for 12 months or more.

Tonight I find myself tired, slightly sunburned and pretty reflective about some things. I've experienced a number of wish you were here moments, I'm watching a "kid" from an old ministry step into who we all dreamed he's be. It makes me feel overwhelmed at times. I'm certainly not taking any credit, its just an honor to see what God is doing sometimes and see a person farther down the path than when you left them.

Thanks for your prayers. If you haven't been praying, thanks for not saying bad things about us. I'm sure I'll write more maybe this weekend. It's our 6 year anniversary you know.

At Play In A Land Of Death

If you have some time, you should check out an article on ESPN's homepage right now. Here's the link:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=zambia

This awakening to AIDS in Africa is really nothing new, it's just been "popularized" if you will. I know there has been some discussion about doing something with it for offering money at Conference in the future. We have to do something that's for sure.

We had a group of students do a trip over there last summer and spend 30 days in Zimbabwe and South Africa. They stayed at an AIDS orphanage with little kids who's parents have died from it. I remember first becoming aware back in the day when Keith, Chris and I went and met the Pembertons. Brenda, who led the trip for us last summer, tells a story about the kids and how starved they are for love and affection. The kids on our trip were allowed to stay there and spend the night with the kids if they wanted. Many of them did and one of the guys told the story how when he got there he was ready to sleep on the floor. Of course, this meant snakes, rats etc but he was willing. However, the kids told them he could sleep in their bed. Finally they convinced him to and he did. He then realized that 5 or 6 of them crawled up with him and they slept that way all night--it meant so much to them because they are so lonely. Nothing inappropriate happened, it wasn't dirty or wrong (sad how our minds go there isn't it?!), they just simply wanted to be close to someone. Brenda said that when they left at the end of the month the van ride was one of the hardest and most silent she could remember. They knew they'd never see many of those kids again and it tore them up.

That story is tough for me. Its harder when I think about how a couple nights ago our little man came downstairs crying and wanting to sleep with us because his room was scary. Of course most of the monsters in his room are under his bed and I always tell him they are smaller than him so he has nothing to worry about. Okay, so I actually tell him they are in his closet.

But these kids have no one to run to. They are in an orphanage and a little thing like having a mom and/or dad to run to isn't an option. Somehow, it doesn't seem fair or at least right.

The Magnificent 7

The interns are here. Our summer companions, the first group this staff has selected together. Only 2 of them didn't know us or come from the recommendation of a friend. I think they are going to rock. Today is initiation day which really means we let them know all the stuff they're going to do this summer. I remember way back in the day when Wilson and I talked about being interns for CIY. Assuming we would have both made it. I've sometimes wondered how life would have been different since almost everybody we hire here has been an intern at some point. I wouldn't change anything.

So it has officially been one year here now. One year. Wow. It seems like it was just 365 days ago that I started.

So I was thinking about life this morning. I was so excited for the day I again found myself here early. There are a number of good friends I'll see this summer either coming to a week or speaking or leading worship. I got to thinking about it and just about every week this summer will be a reunion of sorts with at least one and usually 3 or 4 pals in ministry. Sure, the friendships are at different levels but I think on the outside of what happens during each week will be the conversations about life, ministry, faith and all those things that keep us going day in and day out.

It will be fun. It will be. I'm hoping I have internet access at least often enough to throw some postcards up from different places. If not, I'll do my best to say something a few times this week and then you won't have to deal with me all summer.

Remain Composed

I'm struggling over which is annoying me more this morning: my constant overuse of the exclamation point these days or the fly who continues to land on my coffee cup.

I'm going to go with the mosquito bites on my ankle.

MMMBOP

This time next week we'll be officially on the road. I have to admit I've felt a few emotions about all this but now the time is drawing near and somewhere on my way home last night it hit me. I am ready. More than ready, I am excited. Really excited.

Our interns show up on Sunday and we get to work on Monday. They are a good crew. On old friend from Rocky, a new friend from a buddy's youth group, the son of a guy who I interviewed with for a job and the younger brother of one of my best friends. Should.Be.Fun.

***Let's take a break for random thoughts***
I didn't like Charlie Hall's stuff very much in the beginning but I really like the dude now.
***Done***

Sunday at "church" Carter and I saw a preview for summer conference. It was amazing to me some of the same old emotions come back in those settings for me. Even though it wasn't the full deal it was still somewhat the same. Made me remember the good old days just for a minute. All I know is that from what I saw, Thursday will be incredible. I just know it would have been amazing to the old crew. Those of you fortunate enough to go, enjoy. Simply enjoy.

***A final break for random thoughts***
It's been a while since I have preached and last night I found a desire to do so.
***Done***

Okay, it's time to go to Lowe's. An incredibly generous person has let us know they are going to buy all the roofing materials for a project here in Joplin this summer. Pretty cool. Enjoy your Thursday.

At the Cost of Too Much

The very first post I ever made as a blogger was on this. Its buried somewhere in that other blog I've since neglected and I think even erased for the most part. I realize this might be thin ice I'm about to skate on and I also realize many who read this may not care but I do and since it is my blog I'll write about it.

My thoughts on this have been around for a while. They were reinforced yesterday. They were validated today. Let's start with the validation:

Its on a well respected guys blog and has been compiled from a number of surveys done by credible people with a ton of documentation and even though you can get statistics to say what you want many times, these are too staggering to ignore. To be honest, the first time I read them I wanted to puke.

The following statistics were presented by Pastor Darrin Patrick from research he has gathered from such organizations as Barna and Focus on the Family.
Pastors
*Fifteen hundred pastors leave the ministry each month due to moral failure, spiritual burnout, or contention in their churches.
*Fifty percent of pastors' marriages will end in divorce.
*Eighty percent of pastors and eighty-four percent of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged in their role as pastors.
*Fifty percent of pastors are so discouraged that they would leave the ministry if they could, but have no other way of making a living.
*Eighty percent of seminary and Bible school graduates who enter the ministry will leave the ministry within the first five years.
*Seventy percent of pastors constantly fight depression.
*Almost forty percent polled said they have had an extra-marital affair since beginning their ministry.
*Seventy percent said the only time they spend studying the Word is when they are preparing their sermons.
Pastors' Wives
*Eighty percent of pastors' spouses feel their spouse is overworked.
*Eighty percent of pastors' spouses wish their spouse would choose another profession.
*The majority of pastor's wives surveyed said that the most destructive event that has occurred in their marriage and family was the day they entered the ministry.

I don't have a lot of friends, most of them are in ministry. They would qualify as "pastors" and those numbers make me lightheaded. Are these my friends? What do I not know about them or are they beating the odds? What about the pastor at my church--at your church?

I've lived the life of a pastor. I'll never do it again I fear. Yeah, I'm in ministry but I've found a niche where I can be me and where my family and I are happy and content in the demands. I'll be honest, I don't want to lose my family over my ministry/our ministry. I talked with another dear friend recently who was concerned their children are struggling with the stress ministry puts on the family. The first thing that flooded to my mind was my own deep fear that I promised myself would never happpen-that my child would never come to me angry at God/church/me for giving my life to so many students at the cost of their own relationship with me. I will never be that guy.

I talked with a hero today. He shared wisdom that broke my heart and again challenged me. It's not just the big events, its the little ones. His son thanked him for never missing a game or big event but said what broke his heart was that he never had the 15 minutes before dinner or 30 minutes after dinner to just hang out. His wisdom to me, its not just the big stuff, its the little moments that matter.

Maybe I'm especially sensitive to this because Ang was out of town this weekend and Carter and I had our first ever boys weekend. Just the two of us. Ang gets this all the time and though the little fella wore me out I'll never forget this weekend. We played so much and we laughed, he gave me a new nickname he calls me by now and really, we didn't do anything special. No baseball games or big events, just time. But all the while we were missing his mommy. He asked for her all the time and though he was cool with being with me we weren't complete without her.

But Sunday we did a little thing. We went to church. As fate would have it summer conference was doing a special service with CIY staff as everybody prepared to part ways for the summer. It was family worship. We brought our kids and there on the 7th row was Carter and I. He loved the worship. Loved it. The lights, guitars, drums, he was in awe. But it was the moment he pulled on my jeans and I bended down and with a huge smile he said to me "They singing about Jesus!" that got me. Still does. It was rich. Nobody can take that from me. I don't want him saying that to a youth minister or some other guy. I want him to learn about it from me. Yeah, I pray others come along and lead him when I can't or when he needs another voice, but dangit I want his mommy and I to be the ones he sees it in.

Saturday night after he was long asleep I snuck into his room and sat by his bed. He was peaceful, he was resting and I was teary. I wondered if he was learning enough from us, what he was growing up knowing and I wondered what he'll become. The kid is amazing, I know I think that because he's ours but still.

And so I sit hearing about those that our doing their best to lead our churches. And to many places are quite honestly beating them to death. There are some good places, some places looking to be outside the box but man, I hear about so many that aren't and I think back to heroes of mine that are nowhere becuase of the very things on the survey.

I think I'm done for now. Let's put an action point on this. If we aren't on staff at a church we need to love the crap out of those that are. If you are on staff please know I will pray for you more than ever. What you do is an incredibly high calling and I pray you never regret it.

Don't Get Caught Dead Sitting On Your Seatbelt

It's either that or "Fresh as a Missouri Morning" that has me laughing most out of the new signs this week.

I've been out in the sun enough this week that my head is now more freckles than not. I think I might even have a hint of tan--something others carry easily and something that dodges me on a regular basis. I fluxuate between sunburned and pale.

Does anyone know why there is a handicap symbol next to the word verification when you post a comment on blogger now?

Okay, I'm off for a massively productive day and then to celebrate the 50th birthday of a great guy across the hall from me. Yesterday was Zus' goodbye party and that was a good time but extremely bittersweet. You should listen to the Fray today.