At the Cost of Too Much

The very first post I ever made as a blogger was on this. Its buried somewhere in that other blog I've since neglected and I think even erased for the most part. I realize this might be thin ice I'm about to skate on and I also realize many who read this may not care but I do and since it is my blog I'll write about it.

My thoughts on this have been around for a while. They were reinforced yesterday. They were validated today. Let's start with the validation:

Its on a well respected guys blog and has been compiled from a number of surveys done by credible people with a ton of documentation and even though you can get statistics to say what you want many times, these are too staggering to ignore. To be honest, the first time I read them I wanted to puke.

The following statistics were presented by Pastor Darrin Patrick from research he has gathered from such organizations as Barna and Focus on the Family.
Pastors
*Fifteen hundred pastors leave the ministry each month due to moral failure, spiritual burnout, or contention in their churches.
*Fifty percent of pastors' marriages will end in divorce.
*Eighty percent of pastors and eighty-four percent of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged in their role as pastors.
*Fifty percent of pastors are so discouraged that they would leave the ministry if they could, but have no other way of making a living.
*Eighty percent of seminary and Bible school graduates who enter the ministry will leave the ministry within the first five years.
*Seventy percent of pastors constantly fight depression.
*Almost forty percent polled said they have had an extra-marital affair since beginning their ministry.
*Seventy percent said the only time they spend studying the Word is when they are preparing their sermons.
Pastors' Wives
*Eighty percent of pastors' spouses feel their spouse is overworked.
*Eighty percent of pastors' spouses wish their spouse would choose another profession.
*The majority of pastor's wives surveyed said that the most destructive event that has occurred in their marriage and family was the day they entered the ministry.

I don't have a lot of friends, most of them are in ministry. They would qualify as "pastors" and those numbers make me lightheaded. Are these my friends? What do I not know about them or are they beating the odds? What about the pastor at my church--at your church?

I've lived the life of a pastor. I'll never do it again I fear. Yeah, I'm in ministry but I've found a niche where I can be me and where my family and I are happy and content in the demands. I'll be honest, I don't want to lose my family over my ministry/our ministry. I talked with another dear friend recently who was concerned their children are struggling with the stress ministry puts on the family. The first thing that flooded to my mind was my own deep fear that I promised myself would never happpen-that my child would never come to me angry at God/church/me for giving my life to so many students at the cost of their own relationship with me. I will never be that guy.

I talked with a hero today. He shared wisdom that broke my heart and again challenged me. It's not just the big events, its the little ones. His son thanked him for never missing a game or big event but said what broke his heart was that he never had the 15 minutes before dinner or 30 minutes after dinner to just hang out. His wisdom to me, its not just the big stuff, its the little moments that matter.

Maybe I'm especially sensitive to this because Ang was out of town this weekend and Carter and I had our first ever boys weekend. Just the two of us. Ang gets this all the time and though the little fella wore me out I'll never forget this weekend. We played so much and we laughed, he gave me a new nickname he calls me by now and really, we didn't do anything special. No baseball games or big events, just time. But all the while we were missing his mommy. He asked for her all the time and though he was cool with being with me we weren't complete without her.

But Sunday we did a little thing. We went to church. As fate would have it summer conference was doing a special service with CIY staff as everybody prepared to part ways for the summer. It was family worship. We brought our kids and there on the 7th row was Carter and I. He loved the worship. Loved it. The lights, guitars, drums, he was in awe. But it was the moment he pulled on my jeans and I bended down and with a huge smile he said to me "They singing about Jesus!" that got me. Still does. It was rich. Nobody can take that from me. I don't want him saying that to a youth minister or some other guy. I want him to learn about it from me. Yeah, I pray others come along and lead him when I can't or when he needs another voice, but dangit I want his mommy and I to be the ones he sees it in.

Saturday night after he was long asleep I snuck into his room and sat by his bed. He was peaceful, he was resting and I was teary. I wondered if he was learning enough from us, what he was growing up knowing and I wondered what he'll become. The kid is amazing, I know I think that because he's ours but still.

And so I sit hearing about those that our doing their best to lead our churches. And to many places are quite honestly beating them to death. There are some good places, some places looking to be outside the box but man, I hear about so many that aren't and I think back to heroes of mine that are nowhere becuase of the very things on the survey.

I think I'm done for now. Let's put an action point on this. If we aren't on staff at a church we need to love the crap out of those that are. If you are on staff please know I will pray for you more than ever. What you do is an incredibly high calling and I pray you never regret it.