Chris Should Not Have Been Voted Off

I woke up this morning. That alone isn't that different from most days, what caught me off guard was the hour. Part of it could have been that Carter again mysteriously showed up at the foot of our bed at 0 dark 30. But it was more than that. Those types of things I can easily sleep through or at least simply roll over and go back to sleep. Not today. Not after yesterday.

I have found one of the greatest things about ministry is the days you show up to be productive not realizing God has anointed the day for more than simple productivity. Sometimes these types of days scare me, because it is clear you're not the man but He's directing you. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming to feel inspired the way Paul did when he sat down to write. I'm just saying its the day that fly's by, the meetings are more than productive and things that seem big and confusing suddenly find a peaceful clarity, something like a calming of a storm into a smooth sea. I know it is easy for Him to find peace in those moments because he can see the other side but sometimes for us we get mired in the moments and that peace is missing.

I've said before I enjoy what I do and who I work with. I really mean that. They are good, good people and yesterday was one of the most enjoyable days we've shared. And so I woke up this morning thinking. There were questions I didn't think to ask yesterday but more than that there were emails to write and phone calls to make and dates to plug into my calendar and things to finalize and pass along and....

So I'm here. I smile when people ask me how I'm doing, if I really like this ministry, if I'm as happy as I thought I'd be, if I realized what I was getting myself into.

A little over a year I got really pissed at myself. No, disappointed with a strong frustration would be more like it. I'd finally grown weary of doing good. It was time for more and that meant it had to stop being about me and stop being so dang safe.

So now I'm trying to live that out. I'm tired of admiring others for their recklessness. I'm tired of thinking of everybody else as visionary or as though they all have it together.

So for maybe the first time I'm here at 6 AM. In the quiet and early dawn I'm finding myself more awake than I've been in a long time. Coffee helps. Things bigger than caffeine help more.

And now the fun begins.....